He was followed by Berners, who had charge of the eloquence “business” of that stage, and dealt in pathos, tears, white pocket handkerchiefs, and poetical quotations.  He drew a most heart-rending picture of the broken-spirited husband and father, rejected by an unforgiving wife and ill-conditioned children, becoming a friendless and houseless wanderer over the wide world; in danger of being driven, by despair, to madness and suicide!  He compared the plaintiff to Byron, whose poetry he liberally quoted.  And he concluded by imploring the court, with tears in his eyes, to intervene and save his unhappy client from the gulf of perdition to which his implacable wife would drive him.  And he sank down in his seat utterly overwhelmed by his feelings and holding a drift of white cambric to his face.

“Am I such an out-and-out monster, Mr. Worth?” whispered Mrs. Walsh, in dismay.

Ishmael smiled.

“Everybody knows Berners—­his ‘madness’ and ‘suicide,’ his ’gulf of perdition’ and his white cambric pocket-handkerchief are recognized institutions.  See! the judge is actually smiling over it.”

Mr. Vivian arose to follow—­he did up the genteel comedy; he kept on hand a supply of “little jokes” gleaned from Joe Miller, current comic literature, dinner tables, clubs, etc.—­“little jokes” of which every point in his discourse continually reminded him, though his hearers could not always perceive the association of ideas.  This gentleman was very facetious over family jars, which reminded him of a “little joke,” which he told; he was also very witty upon the subject of matrimonial disputes in particular, which reminded him of another “little joke,” which he also told; but most of all, he was amused at the caprice of womankind, who very often rather liked to be compelled to do as they pleased, which reminded him of a third “little joke.”  And if the court should allow the defendant the exclusive possession of her children and a separate maintenance, it was highly probable that she would not thank them for their trouble, but would take the first opportunity of voluntarily reconciling herself to her husband and giving him back herself, her home, and her children, which would be equal to any “little joke” he had ever heard in his life, etc., etc., etc.

The audience were all in a broad grin.  Even Mrs. Walsh, with her lips of “life-long sadness,” smiled.

“You may smile at him,” said Ishmael, “and so will I, since I do not at all doubt the issue of this trial; but for all that, joker as he is, he is the most serious opponent that we have.  I would rather encounter half a dozen each of Wisemans and Berners than one Vivian.  Take human nature in general, it can be more easily laughed than reasoned or persuaded in or out of any measure.  People would rather laugh than weep or reflect.  Wiseman tries to make them reflect, which they won’t do; Berners tries to make them weep, which they can’t do; but Vivian with his jokes makes them laugh, which they like to do.  And so, he has joked himself into a very large practice at the Washington bar.”