The Claverings eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 783 pages of information about The Claverings.

The Claverings eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 783 pages of information about The Claverings.

“Julia.”

“No, sir; I will not be called Julia.  If you do, I will be insulted, and leave you instantly.  I may call you Harry, as being so much younger—­though we were born in the same month—­and as a sort of cousin.  But I shall never do that after to-day.”

“You have courage enough, then, to tell me that you have not ill-used me?”

“Certainly I have.  Why, what a fool you would have me be!  Look at me, and tell me whether I am fit to be the wife of such a one as you.  By the time you are entering the world, I shall be an old woman, and shall have lived my life.  Even if I were fit to be your mate when we were living here together, am I fit, after what I have done and seen during the last two years?  Do you think it would really do any good to any one if I were to jilt, as you call it, Lord Ongar, and tell them all—­your cousin, Sir Hugh, and my sister, and your father—­that I was going to keep myself up, and marry you when you were ready for me?”

“You mean to say that the evil is done.”

“No, indeed.  At the present moment I owe six hundred pounds, and I don’t know where to turn for it, so that my husband may not be dunned for my debts as soon as he has married me.  What a wife I should have been for you—­should I not?”

“I could pay the six hundred pounds for you with money that I have earned myself—­though you do call me an usher—­and perhaps would ask fewer questions about it than Lord Ongar will do with all his thousands.”

“Dear Harry, I beg your pardon about the usher.  Of course, I know that you are a fellow of your college, and that St. Cuthbert’s, where you teach the boys, is one of the grandest schools in England; and I hope you’ll be a bishop; nay—­I think you will, if you make up your mind to try for it.”

“I have given up all idea of going into the church.”

“Then you’ll be a judge.  I know you’ll be great and distinguished, and that you’ll do it all yourself.  You are distinguished already.  If you could only know how infinitely I should prefer your lot to mine!  Oh, Harry, I envy you!  I do envy you!  You have got the ball at your feet, and the world before you, and can win everything for yourself.”

“But nothing is anything without your love.”

“Pshaw!  Love, indeed.  What could it do for you but ruin you?  You know it as well as I do; but you are selfish enough to wish to continue a romance which would be absolutely destructive to me, though for a while it might afford a pleasant relaxation to your graver studies.  Harry, you can choose in the world.  You have divinity, and law, and literature, and art.  And if debarred from love now by the exigencies of labor, you will be as fit for love in ten years’ time as you are at present.”

“But I do love now.”

“Be a man, then, and keep it to yourself.  Love is not to be our master.  You can choose, as I say; but I have had no choice—­no choice but to be married well, or to go out like a snuff of a candle.  I don’t like the snuff of a candle, and, therefore, I am going to be married well.”

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Project Gutenberg
The Claverings from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.