But, if the woman is spirited and aggressive, then the lookers-on see part of a hideous game which might well frighten the bravest into celibacy.  She is self-assertive, she desires—­very rightly—­to be first, and at the first symptom of a slight from her husband she begins the process of nagging.  The man is refined, and the coarseness which he did not perceive before marriage strikes him like a venomed point now; he replies fiercely, and perhaps shows contempt; then the woman tries the effect of weeping.  Unhappily the tears are more exasperating than the scolding, and the quarrel ends by the man rushing from the house.  Then for the first time the pair find that they have to deal with the whole forces of society; in their rage they would gladly part and meet no more—­or they think so—­but inexorable society steps in and declares that the alliance is fixed until death or rascality looses it.  For a little while the estrangement lasts, and then there is a reconciliation, after which all goes well for a time.  But the shocking thing about the ill-assorted marriage is that the estrangements grow longer and longer and the quarrels ever more bitter.  Even children do but little to reconcile the jarring claims of man and wife, for they are a sign of the lasting shackle which each of the miserable beings wants to break.

Worst of all in the whole terrible affair is the fact that it matters not who gets the mastery—­both are made more wretched.  If the man has an indomitable will and conquers the woman, he becomes a morose and sarcastic tyrant, who makes her tremble at his scowl, while she becomes a beaten drudge who makes up for long spells of submission by shrill outbursts of casual defiance.  If the woman gains the mastery, I honestly believe that the cause of strict morality is better served; but the sight of the man’s gradual degradation is so sickening that most people prefer keeping out of the house where a henpecked individual lives.  As time goes by, it matters not which wins in the odious contest:  both undergo a subtle loss of self-respect.  In an ordinary quarrel between men reason may possibly come in to some degree; but in a quarrel between man and wife reason is utterly excluded.  The man becomes feminine, the woman grows masculine, and the effect of this change of nature is disgusting and ludicrous to an outsider, but serious in the extreme to the parties principally concerned.  By degrees indifference and rage give way to sullen, secret hatred, which finds a vent usually in poisonous sarcasm.

Matters are not much better when the superiority is on the woman’s side.  It is delightful to see a husband who is proud of his wife’s cleverness, and good-natured men are pleased by his innocent boasting.  The most pleasant of households may be found in cases where a clever, good-humoured, dexterous woman rules over a sweet-tempered but somewhat stupid man.  She respects his manhood, he adores her as a superior being, and they live a life of pure happiness.