Client (astonished).  Why you said you were always pleased to see me!

Sol. But that was before the Judges’ recommendations were adopted.  Nowadays we must not let you run up costs until we have explained to you in writing what you are about.  And as all you say will come out of your own pocket, and not out of the estate, it is only fair to warn you.

Client.  What, out of my own pocket!  Then I shall be off.

Sol. Sorry to give up our pleasant conversations, but they run into money. (Exit Client, when the Solicitor shakes his head to the Clerk who has brought his rough draft of costs, and to which nothing now can be legally added, and observes—­) Not a good day’s work!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  BALANCE OF PROBABILITIES.

High Church Lady.  “I SUPPOSE THAT WAS THE LADY CHAPEL BEHIND THE CHOIR?”

Low Church Verger.  “I DON’T FANCY THERE’S HANY SUCH ’EREABOUTS, M’M.  I THINK IT WAS ONLY THE PEW-OPENER!”]

* * * * *

THE BOOM-DE-AY POET.

["Mr. RICHARD MORTON, the author of “Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay,” has been called to prove what would be a reasonable figure for the whole proprietary rights of a song.”—­Times Law Reports, Nov. 3rd.]

  He came before the public t’other day!—­
  The Author of “Ta-ra-ra-Boom-de-ay!”
  ’Twas in a case before Judge GRANTHAM brought
  (It should have been in Justice “COLLINS’” Court)
  When the Inspired Bard the Jury faced. 
  As he within the witness-box was placed. 
  He told us how his Pegasus would fly
  From plain (two guineas) up to (ten) the sky! 
  But for the song he wrote for LOTTIE fair
  We hope he was a-Lottie’d a large share
  In all its earnings.  May it not be long
  Ere he produce another catching song;
  But should he fail, then when the poet’s clay
  Be laid to rest, it will suffice to say,
  “Vixit.  He wrote ‘Ta-ra-ra-Boom-de-ay!’”

* * * * *

MRS. R., on hearing that a Cricket-team, though not first-rate, had a leaven of good players, inquired how they could have more of them.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE LORD MAYOR’S SHOW.

MEDITATIONS OF THE LORD MAYOR’S FOOTMAN.]

* * * * *

OPERA-GOERS’ DIARY.

Covent Garden, Tuesday, Nov. 1st.—­Tristan und Isolde.  About the dullest thing that even a much-enduring Wagnerite ever heard.  Glass down to zero.

[Illustration:  OUR CRITIC AT THE OPERA.