Every time you stop and stare at Success it gets up and leaves the room.

* * * * *

###
 E:  The fifth letter of the alphabet which is usually silent at the end
    of a word—­quite unlike some women you know of, eh!
###

* * * * *

EAR.  A place which hears a great many things which should never have been said.

[Illustration]

EARTH.  An orange-shaped ball hanging in space and inhabited by two classes of people, to wit:  kickers and more kickers.

EDEN.  The garden where Adam and Eve baked the first apple pie and pied the human race.

ECSTASY.  A state in which the mind is carried away.  For instance, if you are in a runaway automobile, you are in ecstasy until you hit a telegraph pole; after that you’re in a hospital.

EGOTIST. A man who uses his brain for the purpose of believing that he is the greatest ever.

ELBOW.  Something you give a man you don’t like.

EASTER.  A season of the year devoted to new bonnets, overcoatless young men and pneumonia.  A tide in the affairs of women which, taken at the pocketbook, leads on to the milliners.

ELOPE.  A hurried trip taken by two lovers for the purpose of wiring Papa for funds to get home.

[Illustration]

ELOCUTION.  A disease which breaks out among students, but which is fatal only to the spectators.

EMPLOYER.  A man who has a soft spot for a hard worker.

ENVY.  The root of much criticism.

ECONOMY.  A system practiced by some men which permits their wives to wear last year’s dresses so that they can buy better cigars.

EXPERIENCE.  The best of all teachers, because it’s impossible for the scholar to run away from school.

[Illustration:  “F—­There’s only one thing to do however.”]

Fine feathers make fine birds take to the woods.

Failures made by other people pave the road to your Success.

Fortune wears rubber shoes and a feather pillow on each hand when she knocks on your door.

Fair play is a jewel, but so many people can’t afford jewelry.

* * * * *

###
 F:  The sixth letter of the alphabet.  It is formed by the passage of the
    breath between the lower lip and the upper incisive teeth, but that
    doesn’t seem to worry it any.
###

* * * * *

FABLE.  The story a man thinks his wife believes—­and she lets him think it.

FAD.  See hobby.

[Illustration]

FADE.  To gradually disappear.  For example:  “I had ten plunks when I went out last night, but they faded away.” (Lord Palmerston, page 21.)

FAKE.  Something we buy to make sure it isn’t on the level.

FAITH.  Something which is said to move mountains, but the railroad contractors always mix in a little dynamite to help matters along.