BIGAMIST. A man that adds one and has two to carry.

BLONDE.  An abbreviation of peroxide of hydrogen.

BREEZE.  A condition in the atmosphere which generally arises on a cold day, to make it colder and stays away on a hot day to make it warmer.

It is supposed to inhabit the windows, but when you look for it on a Summer night all you can see is the “gent” next door chaperoning the growler.

BUNDLE.  A load of preserves.  From the Norwegian bun, meaning high tide.  “Yesterday he annexed a bundle and this morning he sits on the front steps singing soft lullabies to a hold-over.” (Shakespeare, page 18.)

[Illustration:  “C—­Coogan thinking about home.”]

Charity begins at home and ruins its health by staying there too much.

Children who are wayward grow up to be the people who fall by the wayside.

Coogan says there is no place like home—­and he congratulates the other places.

Consistency is a jewel, but it isn’t fashionable to wear it.

* * * * *

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 C:  The third letter of the alphabet.  It is also used in music,
    especially by prima donnas who try to reach it and fall flat.
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* * * * *

CAB.  A machine invented for the purpose of going somewhere, but which seldom gets there.  An inland tugboat.

[Illustration]

CAD.  A shine with an extra polish on.

CALAMITY.  A loud-mouthed individual who insists upon telling stale jokes.

CASH.  The stuff we work for, work other people for and are worked for.  Synonyms:  Bones, Cash, Coin, Dough, Ducats, Long-green, Mazuma, and 1,000 others.

CHARITY.  Something which begins at home and stays at home every day except Sunday, when it goes to church to talk about itself.

CINCH.  When a man starts out with a bundle of money and a bundle of booze it’s a cinch that he drops the money first.

COLD FEET.  A punishment for those that stand around and wait for dead men’s shoes.

COMPLIMENTS.  Things which some people fish for hard enough to catch a sea-serpent.

CONFIDENCE MAN.  The noblest work of fraud.

CONCLUSION.  Something a woman jumps at in the same manner in which she jumps off a street car—­which is backwards.

CONSCIENCE.  The alarm clock on a man’s mind which is seldom wound up.

CONSISTENCY.  A jewel which isn’t appreciated as a Christmas present.

CONTENTMENT.  A large, open-faced gentleman telling his friends how he self-made himself.

COPPER-FASTENED CINCH.  A good-looking widow who has made up her mind to marry again.

COURTSHIP.  Love’s excursion boat just before it strikes the rough sea of matrimony.

CROOK.  A man who says nobody is straight.

[Illustration]

COOK.  Something which makes up her mind to stay in the kitchen and then loses her mind.  A product of modern society who has for her motto “Dimuendo contralto dumdum,” which means, “She who cooks and runs away will live to cook another day.”