[Illustration:  “X—­The Old School.”]

Xperience is the name of the concern which opened the first night school.

Xplanations quite often are old-fashioned lies disguised in good fashion.

Xpostulation often leads to the ambulance.

Xperience teaches some people to go and do the same fool thing over again.

* * * * *

###
 X:  The twenty-fourth letter of the alphabet.  It was so late getting in
    that very few words are fastened to it.
###

* * * * *

X. That ten dollars you loaned some time ago.

XTRACTOR.  The fellow you loaned it to.

[Illustration]

XCITEMENT.  What happened when you tried to get it back.

X-RAYS.  A machine you’ll have to use to find your X.

[Illustration:  “Y—­Men have been known to Listen.”]

You shouldn’t look a gift automobile in the price tag.

Yea, verily, a first-class listener is a woman’s best friend.

Yes, and if it were not for the fools in this world the poor would never get rich.

You may take my word for it, that whatever a man hopes to be he will be, unless he gets on the wrong car.

* * * * *

###
 Y:  The twenty-fifth letter of the alphabet, which is of a bibulous
    nature because it’s always in rye. (Mercy!)
###

* * * * *

YAP.  The real thing on the farm, but an awful thing on Broadway.

YACHT.  A device which eats up money and yells for more.

[Illustration]

YOKE.  The way a Swede says joke.

YESTERDAY.  The day upon which our ship should have arrived.

[Illustration:  “Z—­Falling Out of Love.”]

Zum men fall in love and get out of it by marrying the girl.

Zum men tell themselves a lie just to fool their conscience.

Zumhow or other a ticklish situation never gets a laugh from the parties concerned.

Zum say that money isn’t everything in this world, but it takes a man with money to believe it.

* * * * *

### Z:  The twenty-sixth and last letter of the alphabet, and I’m glad of it. ###

* * * * *

ZEAL.  The ardor with which we manage other people’s affairs.

ZEBRA.  An animal used principally to illustrate the letter Z.

ZERO.  The place where the cold waves come from.

ZIP.  The same as Zow.

ZOW.  The same as Zip.

ZOO.  A garden scented by wild animals.

[Illustration]

ZABO.  A contraction of Gonzabo, which means a Fiff.

APPENDIX.

(This part of the book may be cut out.)

AUTOMOBILES.