My idea would be to catch him alive and place the monument on him and have the conductor come around every ten minutes for his fare.

Then the punishment would have a fit like the crime.

[Illustration:  “T—­Blue sky of a Greenish Hue.”]

The man with plenty of money has friends to burn and when he goes broke he finds he has burned most of them.

The sky always looks blue when we look at it through a roll of bills.

The mud slinger never has clean hands.

The way of the transgressor is hard on his family.

* * * * *

###
 T:  The twentieth letter of the alphabet, so called because the author
    of the alphabet always drank coffee.
###

* * * * *

TABLE.  A wooden arrangement covered with green cloth around which certain parties gather for the purpose of taking each other’s money.  See gambling.  You might, incidentally, see the police if they don’t see you first.

TACT.  The art of knowing just when to laugh at a rich man’s joke.

TALENT.  The ability to know how to keep still at the right moment.

TEMPER.  Something you should keep, otherwise the man you show it to may hand it back to you with a short-arm jab.

TEMPTATION.  The banana peel in a man’s brain that causes him to slip.

THE LAUGH.  Something which should always be on the other fellow.

TO-MORROW.  The only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man.

THERMOMETER.  A machine invented by a drugstore proprietor for the purpose of driving humanity to drink.

[Illustration]

TROUBLE.  The only thing which a man borrows and wants to pay back in a hurry.  The place where a man finds his head when he loses it.

TROUBLE HUNTER.  A man who always comes home with a game-bag full.

TRUTH.  The kind words our enemies say about us.  Something which never figures in politics because it forgets to register.

[Illustration:  “U—­Both Ends.”]

Undoubtedly the man that burns the candle at both ends is light-headed.

Usually you’ll find that self-made men spend the rest of their lives talking about home industry.

Uneasy looks the face that wears a frown.

Unfortunately, many a Prince of Good Fellows loses his title when his pocketbook runs dry.

* * * * *

###
 U:  The twenty-first letter of the alphabet, about which there is some
    scandal because it is always tagging after Q.
###

* * * * *

[Illustration]

UMPIRE.  A guessing machine used and abused in and about a baseball game.

UNHAPPY.  The man who knows it all with nobody to tell it to.

UNSELFISHNESS.  To be able to read of a neighbor’s success without reaching for the harpoon.  A man who will give his last cigar to a stranger and then go home and kick his wife on the shins because she spent forty cents for baby’s new shoes.