PATHOS.  A poor man laughing at his rich wife’s poor joke.

PEACH.  A bit of domestic fruit, consisting of blonde tresses, a dimple, and three bows of pink ribbon.

PEEKABOO.  A summer idea invented for the purpose of making a girl’s shirtwaist something like a barb-wire fence with a full view of the scenery.  It is constructed by making one stitch and forgetting seven.  The Peekaboo is the only friend the mosquito has on earth.

PENITENTIARY.  An assembly hall which always plays to a full house because whiskey is it’s advance agent.

PHILOSOPHER.  A man who can size himself up and forget the result.

PLAN.  Something which any fool can lay, but it takes patience like a hen to hatch it.

PLEASURE.  Fun you have to-day so you can worry over it to-morrow.

[Illustration]

POETICAL LICENSE.  A woman who weighs 275 pounds and listens to the name of Birdie.

POLITICS.  The place where a man gets it—­sometimes in the neck, sometimes in the bank.

POLITICIAN.  The reason we have so much politics.

POPULARITY.  The cold storage house where the world sends her favorites before she forgets them.

POSTERITY.  A lot of people who will forget all about you before they are born.

PRACTICAL JOKE.  When Nature makes a pink lobster look like a man.

PREDICTION.  A bit of funny business invented by the Weather Man for the purpose of playing tiddledewinks with the weather.  He says what he thinks it will be and then the weather is what it pleases.

[Illustration]

PROMISE.  What a man says to a woman or a child to keep them quiet.

PRUDE.  A female lady who wishes someone will say something so she can blush to listen and listen to blush.

[Illustration:  “Q—­Young writers Outfit.”]

Quitters cannot be trained to quit quitting.

Queer, isn’t it, that the lazier a man gets the more he wants to work somebody else.

Quotation marks cover a multitude of plagiarists.

Qualmless consciences are fashionable nowadays.

* * * * *

###
 Q:  The seventeenth and the most hunted letter in the alphabet, because
    it is always followed by u.
###

* * * * *

QUACK.  A doctor who ducks the law.

QUARREL.  Something that shouldn’t be picked before it’s ripe.

QUART.  The amount of wine a sport always wants to open.

QUIRE.  A bunch of singers in a church.  Sometimes called Choir, sometimes called down.  See Scrap, fight, jealousy.

[Illustration]

QUIVER.  To shake for the drinks.

QUITTER.  A man who stops before he gets started.

[Illustration:  “R—­The Rolling Stone at the Bottom of the Hill.”]

Remember—­you can fool some of the people all the time if you care to spend your money that way.