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OH!  The mild-mannered sister of Ouch!

OATS.  A substance invented by Nature and intended for a breakfast food, but because pine shavings are cheaper it is now obsolete.

OBEY.  A word put in the marriage service for the purpose of giving the parties of the first part something to kick about.

[Illustration]

OCULIST. A man many young people should consult who think they have fallen in love at first sight.

OIL.  See John D. Rockerfeller—­if you can.

OLD HEN.  The pet name a man has for his wife because she rules the roost.

OLIVE.  A green grape dropped in a cocktail so the customer can pull it out with his fingers.  See Cherry.

ONION.  A noisy vegetable eaten principally by people who sit next to us in street cars.

OPERA.  A device used for the purpose of making a fortune for a good singer.

OPPORTUNITY.  Something never seen until it is not there to be looked at.

ORIGINALITY.  The gift some people have of saying the bright things which we intended to think about later on.

OSLER.  A modern abbreviation of chloroform.  An up to date bogie man invented for the purpose of chasing “has-beens” to the woods.

OSLERESQUE.  The state of being ready for Oslerizing.  See any man over forty.

OSLERISM.  The art of picking out a fit subject for the Osler treatment.  “You can lead an old man into a drugstore but you can’t make him drink chloroform.” (Tupper’s Proverbial Philosophy, page 19.)

OSLERIZE.  To pour chloroform over an old man’s breakfast food and telephone for the undertaker.

OSLERITIS.  An attack of hysteria which broke out at a banquet and became epidemic in the newspapers.

OSLEROOZA.  A man who believes in Oslerism.  He is generally a young man in love with a girl whose Papa is over forty and who wears No. 11 shoes of a high voltage.

OSLERETTA.  A young woman who believes in Oslerism.  She is the same girl whose Papa has just been mentioned.

[Illustration:  “P—­Philosophy makes good reading for the man who has his rent paid.”]

Perseverance is the root of all money.

Perhaps you have met the man who is so wrapped up in himself that he thinks he is a warm baby.

Pleasure travels with a brass band, but Trouble sneaks in on rubber shoes.

Philosophers do not believe half the things they tell themselves.

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 P:  The sixteenth letter of the alphabet, used principally in pickled
    peppers.
###

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PAINT.  A polite name for balloon juice.  See the bartender.

PALPITATION OF THE TONGUE.  A disease that affects many women.

PATRIOT.  A man who spends all his money for fireworks for the little boy and doesn’t hold out $2 for the doctor’s bill.