FAULT.  Something which is so easy to find, but it is so hard to give it when we find it.

FAMILY.  The only cure for race suicide.

FAVOR.  Something we do for a friend so he can forget about it.

FLATTERER.  A man who makes friends until he begins to talk about himself.

FORGER.  A man who tries to make a name for himself, but who picks out the wrong name.

FRIEND.  A man who knows you are a liar, but hopes otherwise.

FRIENDSHIP.  The name of the handle some people put on other people for the purpose of using them.

[Illustration]

FOOTBALL.  A system of manslaughter very fashionable with boys.  From the Latin words “footibus,” meaning “put the boots to him,” and “balloona,” meaning “up in the air, or, who hit me with a public building?” A body of college students surrounded by ambulances.  For instance: 

  Sing a song of football
    Pockets full of salve;
  Four and twenty legs all
    Punctured at the calve. 
  Captain in the hospital
    Fullback in the soup,
  Twenty-seven faces
    Broken in the group. 
  Sophomores and Freshmen
    Punched around the ring;
  When the war was over
    The boys began to sing!

    Raw!  Raw!  Raw! 
    Raw!  Raw!  Raw! 
      Stew them! 
      Fry them! 
    Raw!  Raw!  Raw! 
      Oysters!

[Illustration:  “G—­The friends that Gold buys shake hands with two fingers.”]

Great oaths from little aching corns do grow.

Great minds run in the same channel—­especially if they are sea captains.

Gold is a dull metal, but it can cut friendship quicker than a knife.

Good names are better than great riches and that is why so many of us have names without price.

* * * * *

###
 G:  The seventh letter of the alphabet.  Used by the ancients as an
    expression of surprise, thus:  Hully Gee!
###

* * * * *

GAB.  The product of a ball-bearing chin.

GAG.  A joke rendered insensible by a third-rail comedian.

GAS.  A substance we make light of until the bill comes in. "You may hide your light under a bushel, but you’ll get a bill from the gas company just the same.” (Shakespeare, page 9.)

GAS BILL.  Something that comes in to put us out.

GAS METER.  A bit of machinery invented by Ananias in order to please Saphira and keep the household supplied with lies while the old man was down in the grocery store.

GET-RICH-QUICK.  An aquarium for suckers.  A place where poor people go to get poorer.

GEE-GEE.  A horse by any other name will run as fast.

GENIAL.  A guy that never was known to buy.

GENIUS.  Something we have in our family—­if you don’t believe me, come and hear our little boy recite.