We see that the problem of the place of parents in life, after their function of parenthood has been adequately fulfilled, a problem which offers no difficulties among most forms of life, has been found hard to solve by Man.  At some places and periods it has been considered most merciful to put them, to death; at others they have been almost or quite deified and allowed to regulate the whole lives of their descendants.  Thus in New Caledonia aged parents, it is said by Mrs. Hadfield, were formerly taken up to a high mountain and left with enough food to last a few days; there was at the same time great regard for the aged, as also among the Hottentots who asked:  “Can you see a parent or a relative shaking and freezing under a cold, dreary, heavy, useless old age, and not think, in pity of them, of putting an end to their misery?” It was generally the opinion of the parents themselves, but in some countries the parents have dominated and overawed their children to the time of their natural death and even beyond, up to the point of ancestor worship, as in China, where no man of any age can act for himself in the chief matters of life during his parents’ life-time, and to some extent in ancient Rome, whence an influence in this direction which still exists in the laws and customs of France.[4] Both extremes have proved compatible with a beautifully human life.  To steer midway between them seems to-day, however, the wisest course.  There ought to be no reason, and under happy conditions there is no reason, why the relationship between parent and child, as one of mutual affection and care, should ever cease to exist.  But that the relationship should continue to exist as a tie is unnatural and tends to be harmful.  At a certain stage in the development of the child the physical tie with the parent is severed, and the umbilical cord cut.  At a later stage in development, when puberty is attained and adolescence is feeling its way towards a complete adult maturity, the spiritual tie must be severed.  It is absolutely essential that the young spirit should begin to essay its own wings.  If its energy is not equal to this adventure, then it is the part of a truly loving parent to push it over the edge of the nest.  Of course there are dangers and risks.  But the worst dangers and risks come of the failure to adventure, of the refusal to face the tasks of the world and to assume the full function of life.  All that Freud has told of the paralysing and maiming influence of infantile arrest or regression is here profitable to consider.  In order, moreover, that the relationship between parents and children may retain its early beauty and love, it is essential that it shall adapt itself to adult conditions and the absence of ties so rendered necessary.  Otherwise there is little likelihood of anything but friction and pain on one side or the other, and perhaps on both sides.

[4] The varying customs of different peoples in this matter are set forth by Westermarck, The Origin and Development of the Moral Ideas, Ch.  XXV.