“I am sorry,” said the man, “to see that you have a black eye, Sammy.”

Whereupon Sammy retorted: 

“You go home and be sorry for your own little boy—­he’s got two!”

CAN THIS BE TRUE?

A certain Irishman was taken prisoner by the Huns.  While he was standing alone, waiting to be assigned to his prison, or whatever fate awaited him, the Kaiser came up.

“Hello,” said the Kaiser.  “Who have we here?”

“I’m an Irishman, your honor.”

Then he winked solemnly.

“Oi say,” he continued.  “We didn’t do a thing to you Germans, did we?  Eh, old chap?”

The Kaiser was horrified.  Calling an orderly he said to him: 

“Take this blasphemer away and put a German uniform on him, and then bring him back.”

Shortly the Irishman was returned, in a full German uniform.

“Well,” said the Kaiser, “maybe you feel better now.  How is it?”

Pat grabbed him by the arm, and leaning over, whispered: 

“Oi say, we gave them Irish Hell, didn’t we?”

NEW SERVANT-GIRL STORY

The wife of a successful young literary man had hired a buxom Dutch girl to do the housework.  Several weeks passed and from seeing her master constantly about the house, the girl received an erroneous impression.

“Ogscuse me, Mrs. Blank,” she said to her mistress one day, “but I like to say somedings.”

“Well, Rena?”

The girl blushed, fumbled with her apron, and then replied, “Vell, you pay me four tollars a veek—­’

“Yes, and I really can’t pay you any more.”

“It’s not dot,” responded the girl; “but I be villing to take tree tollars till—­till your husband gets vork.”

HE WAS BROAD MINDED

Even married life does not affect some people unpleasantly, or take away the fine spirit of their charity.

A certain factory-owner tells of an old employee who came into the office and asked for a day off.

“I guess we can manage it, Pete,” says the boss, “tho we are mighty short-handed these days.  What do you want to get off for?”

“Ay vant to get married,” blushed Pete, who is by way of being a Scandinavian.

“Married?  Why, look here—­it was only a couple of months ago that you wanted to get off because your wife was dead!”

“Yas, ay gess so.”

“And you want to get married again, with your wife only two months dead?”

“Yas.  Ay ain’t ban hold no grudge long.”

MISSED HIS CHANCE

Before introducing Lieutenant de Tessan, aide to General Joffre, and Colonel Fabry, the “Blue Devil of France,” Chairman Spencer, of the St. Louis entertainment committee, at the M.A.A. breakfast told this anecdote: