“He plunged with a delighted scweam
Into a bowl of clotted cweam,”

and

“This is Mr. Piggy Wee,
With tail so pink and curly,
And when I say, ‘Good mornin’, pig,’
He answers vewwy surly,
Oomph!  Oomph!’”

and sometimes the hutch that harbours a cotton-wool creation supposed to be a white rabbit, and stated by the owner to be “munsin’ and munsin’ and munsin’ a carrot”—­when, I say, I consider all these things I anticipate that the proceedings of the Reparation Commission will be something like this:—­

He (looking a little ruefully at the round music-stool).  I suppose your wife plays the piano a good deal?

I (brightly).  If you mean the detachable steering-wheel, it is only fair to remember that a part interchangeable between the motor-omnibus and the steam-roller—­

He.  I don’t understand.

I.  Permit me to reassemble the mechanism.

He.  You mean that when you put that armchair at the end of the sofa and the music-stool in front of it—­

I.  I mean that the motor-omnibus driver, sitting as he does in front of his vehicle and manipulating his steering-wheel like this, can do little or no harm to the apparatus.  On the other hand, the steam-roller mechanic, standing inside the body of the vehicle, and having the steering-wheel in this position—­

He.  On the sofa?

I.  Naturally.  Well, supposing he happens to have a slight difference of opinion with his mate as to which of them ought to do the driving, the wheel is quite likely to be pushed off on to the macadam, where it gets a trifle frayed round the edges.

He.  I see.  How awfully stupid of me!  And this pouffe, or whatever they call it?

I.  Week in and week out, boy and girl, I have seen that dromedary ridden over more miles of desert than I can tell you, and never once have I known it under-fed or under-watered, or struck with anything harder than the human fist.  Of course the hump does get a little floppy with frequent use, but considering how barren your Sahara—­

He.  Quite, quite.  I was just looking at that armchair.  Aren’t there a lot of scratches on the legs?

I.  Have you ever kept panthers?  Do you realise how impatiently they chafe at times against the bars of their cage?  Of course, if you haven’t....

Finally, I imagine he will see how reasonable my attitude is and how little he has to complain of.  He will recognise that one cannot deal with complicated properties of this sort without a certain amount of inevitable dilapidation and loss.