Algie.  “SPLENDIDLY, OLD FELLOW, SPLENDIDLY!  NEVER CARRIED SO WELL IN MY LIFE!  GOT CLEAN AWAY WITH ME AS SOON AS THEY FOUND,—­COULDN’T HOLD HIM A BIT—­BOLD AS A LION, NOTHING STOPS HIM,—­WENT SLICK THROUGH A FLIGHT O’ FAIR-HOLED POSTS AND RAILS, SMASHED A GATE INTO MATCHWOOD,—­TWENTY MINUTES STRAIGHT AS THE CROW FLIES THROUGH AND OVER EVERYTHING,—­AND, HANG ME, IF HE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN GOING YET, IF HE HADN’T PUT HIS FOOT INTO A RABBIT-HOLE CROSSING CRUMPLER COMMON, AND COME A REGULAR CROWNER.  DON’T KNOW WHERE THE DEUCE THE HOUNDS WENT TO!  HAD A GLORIOUS GALLOP, THOUGH, ALL TO MYSELF!”]

* * * * *

THE COUNTY-COUNCILLOR’S DIARY.

(A FEW YEARS HENCE.)

Monday.—­To-day’s meeting of the Council rather stormy.  The Council’s Clerk of the Works, who superintends the fifty thousand builders, bricklayers, &c., who are now employed directly by us, reports that, unless the concessions demanded by the men are granted, they will all go out on strike to-morrow.  The concessions are—­Free beer three times a-day; half-holiday every other day at full day’s wages; and a month’s trip to the Riviera in winter, paid for out of the rates.  Clerk of the Works (appointed, on elective principle, by the men themselves) describes these demands as “highly moderate and reasonable.”  Council unable to agree with him.  After sitting for six hours, amid frightful uproar, Council breaks up, without coming to any decision.

Tuesday.—­Workmen have struck!  Awkward, as they have just pulled down north side of Strand, to make room for double lines of electric tramways in centre of roadway, and whole street in an awful litter.  Begin to wish we had not “Abolished the Contractor” quite so hastily.

Wednesday.—­Another meeting of Council.  Quite unanimous to go on resisting men’s demands.  Clerk of Works reports that the Council’s scavengers, plumbers, carters, lamp-lighters, and turncocks, are all threatening to strike, in sympathy with bricklayers.  In consequence of evident enjoyment with which Clerk makes this announcement, proposal to decrease his salary from that of a Lord Chancellor to that of a Puisne Judge, carried nem. con.  In spite of attacks on Council in the Press, satisfactory that it knows how to keep up its dignity at this crisis.

Thursday.—­Matters getting serious.  A deep fall of snow has occurred, and Council’s men refuse to clear it away, or let others do the work!  In addition, Strand tradesmen come in body to Spring Gardens to say that “nobody can get near their shops, and they are being rapidly ruined.”  Hastily-convened meeting of the Council.  Proposal to ask our old Contractor to rebuild Strand and clear snow away.  Our old Contractor declines to tender for the job!  He says, “Council has abolished the Middleman, and had better get on without him, if it can!” Rude, but forcible.