Our luxuries are always masquerading as necessaries.  Woman is the only necessary having the boldness and address to compel recognition as a luxury.

“I am the seat of the affections,” said the heart.

“Thank you,” said the judgment, “you save my face.”

“Who art thou that weepest?”

“Man.”

“Nay, thou art Egotism.  I am the Scheme of the Universe.  Study me and learn that nothing matters.”

“Then how does it matter that I weep?”

A slight is less easily forgiven than an injury, because it implies something of contempt, indifference, an overlooking of our importance; whereas an injury presupposes some degree of consideration.  “The black-guards!” said a traveler whom Sicilian brigands had released without ransom; “did they think me a person of no consequence?”

The people’s plaudits are unheard in hell.

Generosity to a fallen foe is a virtue that takes no chances.

If there was a world before this we must all have died impenitent.

We are what we laugh at.  The stupid person is a poor joke, the clever, a good one.

If every man who resents being called a rogue resented being one this would be a world of wrath.

Force and charm are important elements of character, but it counts for little to be stronger than honey and sweeter than a lion.

  Grief and discomfiture are coals that cool: 
  Why keep them glowing with thy sighs, poor fool?

A popular author is one who writes what the people think.  Genius invites them to think something else.

Asked to describe the Deity, a donkey would represent him with long ears and a tail.  Man’s conception is higher and truer:  he thinks of him as somewhat resembling a man.

Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.

The sky is a concave mirror in which Man sees his own distorted image and seeks to propitiate it.

Honor thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long in the land, but do not hope that the life insurance companies will offer thee special rates.

Persons who are horrified by what they believe to be Darwin’s theory of the descent of Man from the Ape may find comfort in the hope of his return.

A strong mind is more easily impressed than a weak:  you shall not so readily convince a fool that you are a philosopher as a philosopher that you are a fool.

A cheap and easy cynicism rails at everything.  The master of the art accomplishes the formidable task of discrimination.

When publicly censured our first instinct is to make everybody a codefendant.

    O lady fine, fear not to lead
      To Hymen’s shrine a clown: 
    Love cannot level up, indeed,
      But he can level down.

Men are polygamous by nature and monogamous for opportunity.  It is a faithful man who is willing to be watched by a half-dozen wives.