Unselfishness is a plant of slow growth.  Indeed it is properly not a childish trait at all, and the most we can probably get is its outward seeming.  But it is important that we at least acquaint the child with ideals of unselfishness.  We must find much in the child to appeal to, even though altruistic motives do not appear until much later than this.  The love of approbation will prove a strong help again, also the sense of justice with which children seem endowed from the beginning.  “Help him because he helped you,” or “Give her some because she always gives you part of hers,” is often effective.  Just as in the case of self-control, the child will learn to overcome his innate selfishness “if it pays” to do so.  It may seem wrong to encourage any but the highest motive, but a habit of unselfish acts, resting upon a desire to win the approbation of others, is a better foundation upon which to build than no foundation at all.  Purely disinterested or altruistic motives do not appear in the normal child much before the age of adolescence, and by that time selfishness, which accords so well with the individualistic instincts of the child, will have hardened into a fixed habit if not vigorously checked.

Care must be taken to lead the child toward unselfish acts, but not to force them upon him.  The common courtesies of life we may require, but, beyond that, example, tactful suggestion, wisely chosen stories, and judicious praise will do far more than force.

The idea of kindness may be grasped by young children and, together with the great ideal of service, should be emphasized in their home life and in their intercourse with other children.  The “only child” suffers most from lack of opportunity to learn these two great needs of his best self—­kindness and service.  Occasions should be systematically made for such a child (indeed for all children) to meet other children on some common ground.  Playthings should be shared, help given and received, and the idea of interdependence brought out.  “We must help each other” should be emphasized from early childhood.

Much must be made of the little helps the child is able to give in the home—­bringing slippers for father, going on little errands about the house for mother, picking up his own playthings, hanging up his coat and hat, caring for the welfare of the family pets.  Careful provision should be made for the child’s convenience in performing these little services.  There must be places for the toys, low hooks for the wraps, and constant encouragement and recognition of the small helper.  Some day he may help you because he loves to help.  Now he loves to be praised for helping.

[Illustration:  Photograph by Brown Bros.  Helping the little sister.  Children will learn unselfishness and kindness if they are early taught to help one another]