Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 220 pages of information about Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature.

Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 220 pages of information about Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature.

“In these steps of reform, we do not rely so much on scientific reasoning or physiological skill as on the spirit’s dictates.  The greater part of man’s duty consists in leaving alone much that he now does.  Shall I stimulate with tea, coffee, or wine?  No.  Shall I consume flesh?  Not if I value health.  Shall I subjugate cattle?  Shall I claim property in any created thing?  Shall I trade?  Shall I adopt a form of religion?  Shall I interest myself in politics?  To how many of these questions—­could we ask them deeply enough and could they be heard as having relation to our eternal welfare—­would the response be ’Abstain’?”

A mild snore seemed to echo the last word of Abel’s rhapsody, for Brother Moses had succumbed to mundane slumber, and sat nodding like a massive ghost.  Forest Absalom, the silent man, and John Pease, the English member, now departed to the barn; and Mrs. Lamb led her flock to a temporary fold, leaving the founders of the “Consociate Family” to build castles in the air till the fire went out and the symposium ended in smoke.

The furniture arrived next day, and was soon bestowed; for the principal property of the community consisted in books.  To this rare library was devoted the best room in the house, and the few busts and pictures that still survived many flittings were added to beautify the sanctuary, for here the family was to meet for amusement, instruction, and worship.

Any housewife can imagine the emotions of Sister Hope, when she took possession of a large, dilapidated kitchen, containing an old stove and the peculiar stores out of which food was to be evolved for her little family of eleven.  Cakes of maple sugar, dried peas and beans, barley and hominy, meal of all sorts, potatoes, and dried fruit.  No milk, butter, cheese, tea, or meat appeared.  Even salt was considered a useless luxury, and spice entirely forbidden by these lovers of Spartan simplicity.  A ten years’ experience of vegetarian vagaries had been good training for this new freak, and her sense of the ludicrous supported her through many trying scenes.

Unleavened bread, porridge, and water for breakfast; bread, vegetables, and water for dinner; bread, fruit, and water for supper was the bill of fare ordained by the elders.  No teapot profaned that sacred stove, no gory steak cried aloud for vengeance from her chaste gridiron and only a brave woman’s taste, time, and temper were sacrificed on that domestic altar.

The vexed question of light was settled by buying a quantity of bayberry wax for candles; and, on discovering that no one knew how to make them, pine-knots were introduced, to be used when absolutely necessary.  Being summer, the evenings were not long, and the weary fraternity found it no great hardship to retire with the birds.  The inner light was sufficient for most of them.  But Mrs. Lamb rebelled.  Evening was the only time she had to herself, and while the tired feet rested the skilful hands mended torn frocks and little stockings, or anxious heart forgot its burden in a book.

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Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.