“Certainly,” assented the professor.  “Nothing so injurious to weak eyes as too much light.”

“Y’ ‘ave put it in a nutshell,” replied the priest.  “Sure an’ that’s the rason we’re opposed to gineral schoolin’, an’ to readin’ the Bible to the children.  Y’ are a masther mind, Heller, an’ ought to been in howly ordhers.  An’ that brings me to another idee av high importince.  There should be somebody to run about with howly wather an’ exthrame unction, an’ the like.  Now that business wouldn’t shuit me pheesical conformation, an’ nayther would it shuit the character I have to bear.  It’s betther that you should do the outside trampin’, Heller.  Ye know the tradditions an’ docthrines av the Church well enough, an’ y’ are a dab at Latin.  As for yer not bein’ av the prastely office, I’ll jist lay hands on ye an’ qualify ye for the same.  If it happens to be a bit irregular, why, the ind justifies the manes, ye remimber, or the ancient Fathers are all wrong, which is onpossible.  An’ now, Heller, do tell these poor, benighted, lazy loons that I must have me coky-nuts fresh, an’ as great a variety av fish as can be procured in these wathers.  The chap that preshumes to bring me an owld coky-nut I’ll curse his basket an’ his shtore.”

After a brief missionary effort, Heller reported that the whole population of the island, barring a few obstinate seniors, had been baptized.

“That’s well, me son,” replied Father Higgins.  “I s’pose y’ ’ave done it rather on the wholesale, sprinklin’ a hundred or so at a fling, but I’ve no doubt y’ ‘ave done it the best ye could in the time y’ ’ave had; and surely it’s a great work, no matter how done.  As for the apostates—­I mane the fellows that stick to their owld haythinism—­it might be well to make an example av a few av thim, jist for the encouragemint av the faithful.  Suppose ye should organize an inquisition, or howly office, Heller, an’ conduct the proceedin’s yerself intirely, be way av seein’ that they are regular an’ effective?  Y’ are parfectly able for it, wid your knowledge av Church history.”

It was not long before Heller was able to state that all the old fogies and silver-grays who remained alive had been converted.

“Ah, but isn’t that blissid news!” responded Father Higgins, joyfully.  “An’ wouldn’t me brethren, the other biships, be glad to hear that same concernin’ their dioceses!  That’s betther nor coky-nuts—­of which, be-the-way, I’m gettin’ a bit tired.  I wondher, Heller, if some av these other islands wouldn’t furnish us a change of diet?  If we could find pataties an’ grapes, it ud be a blessin’ to body an’ sowl.  Surely it ud be a good deed to bring all this archypilago into the thrue faith.  Couldn’t the chafe, now, take an army out in his doubled-barrelled canoes, an’ commince the work av convarsion?  Tell him if he’ll do that same, I’ll grant him all the indulgences he can think av.”