Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 220 pages of information about Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature.

Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 220 pages of information about Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature.

“A clear field—­not a convert yet.  Your predecessor, who went through the office of being eaten a year ago, had not even learned the language.”

“The blissid saints watch over us!  To hear the likes av that, whin I expected to be a god, like, among these wretches!  Well, it’s our duty we must do, Heller; we mustn’t run away from our post; indade, we can’t.  Moreover, I feel a sthrong confidence that the howly Catholic Church is to be greatly glorified by me on these islands.  What do ye say now to meself exhibitin’ the gift av miracles an’ tongues?  If I should discoorse to these cannebals in their own contimptible language, would it surprise ye, Heller?”

“No,” smiled the professor.  “I have seen greater marvels in my time.  I have seen men preach not merely words, but feelings and faiths, that they were ignorant of.”

Father Higgins, closely followed by Heller, now advanced to a green hillock, a few rods from the shelly and pebbly beach, knelt down upon the thin sward, and repeated a prayer.  Meantime the population gathered; behind them canoe after canoe touched the shore; before them there was a swift, tumultuous hurrying from the villages; presently they were surrounded by a compact, eager, barbaric multitude.  The babble of its wonder turned to silence as the priest rose, extended his fat hands, and commenced a sermon.

Father Higgins was not a bit astonished at hearing himself pour forth a torrent of words which he did not understand, nor at seeing in the faces of his wild listeners that they perfectly comprehended his discourse.  It was merely a supernatural inspiration; it was but another exhibition of the heavenly gifts of the Church; he was as much at his ease as if he had been in the habit of working miracles from his cradle.  At the close of his harangue he took out his breviary, and translated a prayer into the unknown tongue.  Evidently the auditors understood this also, for while some crouched to earth in undisguisable terror, others looked upward as if expecting an answer from the sky.

Presently a savage, in a many-colored robe of feathers, stepped in front of the multitude, and uttered a few sentences.

“It’s a mighty quare providence that this miracle works ownly wan way,” observed Father Higgins to Heller.  “It’s meself can prache acceptably to this poor haythin, an’ it’s meself, loikewise, can’t sense a blissid word he gabbles.”

“He is comparing you with your predecessor,” exclaimed the professor.  “He says the other man called himself a messenger from God; but as he could not talk Feejee, they saw that he was a liar, because God knows every language; and so, having found him a liar, they fattened him with fish and cocoa-nuts, and ate him.  As for you, they admit that you are a heavenly personage, and they mean to worship you.”

“How came ye to larn the language, annyway?” demanded the priest.

“I have wandered to and fro in the earth a good deal,” replied Heller.  “I have performed some of my best black-art in these islands.”

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Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.