That’s why I think he always has a cold in his head, as you know Julie that disease always strikes in the weakest spot.

Yours until one of the Kaiser’s sons is wounded,

Barney.

P.S.  Keep offen indoor sports, fur none of ’em has got sense enuff to know when to go home.

[Illustration:  Skinny wouldn’t giv 25 cts. to see the Statue of Liberty do th’ hoo-cha-ma-coochy]

Dere Julie,

We have caught up with the Spanish influenzy—­not influence! as there ain’t no sich thing in the world as Spanish influence.  The disease is not confined to Spanish people.  It hit Skinny and he speaks Spanish with an Irish accent, and has never been nearer Madrid than a Spanish omelet made in Hoboken.

You’re nose gets as red as a rear light on an automobile or the beak of a Park Row panhandler.  Your knees knock together like a man who sees a collector for an installment house.  The only things it don’t attack is your corns.  They should rename it mucilage flu because it certainly is a sticker; you have as much pep as an Ingersol watch with the main spring on a two weeks vacation; but cheer up derie, there ain’t goin to be any job fer any undertaker.  No foreman fur a funeral is gonna say “All those desirin to kiss the corpse, will please pass up this aisle and go down the other.”  Not for a while I hope; which reminds me of that time you and me went to the revival meetin in Carnarsie.  Remember that Julie?  You know the time the undertaker put a century note in the plate, and the ol’ sky pilot not knowing who it wuz prayed that “the business of the giver would increase an hundred fold.”

Skinny went into store today to buy a birthday present for his “Jane” in the U.S.  Steppin blithely up to a fresh sales girl he said “I wanna get something for a gift to a lady.”  “Your wife sir?” sed she.  Skinny thought it would be safer to pose as a married man, so he said “Yes’m.”  “Bargain counter to the right, sir,” and she went on wrasslin with her Wrigleys; she was so busy with it, she wasted no more time than a blue gum coon passing a grave yard at midnight, with no rabbits foot in his pocket.  The sales ladies in this emporium are always in high speed, with the throttle wide open when it comes to chatter; at another counter I asked the young lady to show me the thinnest thing in underwear.  Flashing a 40 below zero look she lisped, “I’m very sorry sir, but she’s just gone out to lunch.”

Yours until the Eskimos wear Palm Beach suits,

Barney.

[Illustration:  “Somethin fer my wife” says he.  “Bargain counter next isle” says she]

Dere Julie: 

We drilled today for the first time since we landed in this land of smoke and fog.  I’d enjoy these drills, in fact so would all the boys, if it wasn’t fer Skinny.  The only one that’s in step is him.  He knows as much of the commands as a Bowery Bum knows about publishing a Chinese newspaper.