“Dear Dorothy:  The only thing I can say in my own behalf is that I found myself suddenly placed in this position as Zoe’s brother, without understanding, or only understanding gradually what it meant to me, or would mean to any one else.  I have been learning all of these things; and your letter makes them clear to me.  I did not come straight home but went to New Orleans; and your letter had been here some days when I returned.  I must tell you that Zoe disappeared in my absence.  I don’t know where and cannot learn.  I am fearful for her; and there are many possible complications.  But I am powerless to do anything at this time.  She may never return.  She may fall into strange hands and make some new relations which will come back upon me and upon any one I cared for with embarrassing results.  I am in a position where I can make no assurances.  I feel like asking you to forgive me for causing you any suffering or anxiety.  I should not have asked you to marry me.  It was thoughtless; but I could not with my experience and knowledge of things understand all that my request might mean.  As you are Reverdy’s sister I can’t help but feel a tender and protecting interest in you, whatever may come of it.  And I hope life may deal with both of us in such a way that any harm I have done you will be overcome by some good that I may be to you.  And without asking to see you again I still keep the hope that fate will be good enough to let me meet you sometime when a clasp of the hand will be welcome to you and with no consequences that are not pleasant.”

And then I sealed the letter for mailing and retired; but not to sleep, rather to turn restlessly for some hours in the night.

CHAPTER XXI

Fortunately for my peace of mind I had much to do and much to interest me.  The country was developing rapidly under my eyes.  Thousands of farms were coming into cultivation.  The prairie grass was vanishing before the corn.  Villages were springing up everywhere.  Jacksonville was growing.  A furor of land selling, the selling of lots and blocks in the newly formed towns, swept over the state.  And my own farm had increased in value, both because of the care I had given it and because of the growing population.  For in truth, while Illinois had about 160,000 inhabitants when I came to it, now as we approached the year 1837 it was estimated that there were nearly 400,000 souls within its borders.

Douglas had no sooner become a member of the legislature, as it seemed to me, than he resigned to take the office of register of land in Springfield, which was now the capital of the state.  He was reported to me to be making a great deal of money now, sometimes as much as $100 a day.  I saw him in the summer.  He was a figure of dash, self-possession, energy and clear-headedness.  He confided to me that he intended to run for Congress.  He was now twenty-four, a political leader in his party, fearless, dreaded, and resourceful.