Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 23, 1917 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 42 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 23, 1917.

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 23, 1917 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 42 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 23, 1917.

(An Idealistic Fable.)

  Alfonso Ebenezer Scutt
  Could never keep his mouth close shut;
  And when I mention that his tongue
  Was flexible and loosely hung,
  You will begin to understand
  Why he was honoured in our land.

  A lucky coup in mining shares
  Released him from financial cares,
  And though his wife was strangely plain—­
  A lady of Peruvian strain—­
  She had a handsome revenue
  Derived from manganese and glue. 
  Thus fortified, in Nineteen-Six
  Alfonso entered politics,
  Ousting from Sludgeport-on-the-Ouse
  A Tory of old-fashioned views. 
  Alfonso Scutt, though wont to preach
  In chapels, rarely made a speech,
  But managed very soon to climb
  To eminence at Question Time. 
  Fired by insatiable thirst
  For knowledge, from the very first
  He launched upon an endless series
  Of quite unnecessary queries,
  Till overworked officials came
  To loathe the mention of his name. 
  At last their anguish grew so keen
  The Premier had to intervene,
  And by a tactful master-stroke
  Relieved them from Alfonso’s yoke. 
  By way of liberal reward
  He made the childless Scutt a lord,
  And then despatched him on a Mission
  In honorific recognition
  Of presents sent for our relief
  By a renowned New Guinea Chief. 
  The natives of those distant parts
  Are noted for their generous hearts,
  But, spite of protests raised by us,
  Continue anthropophagous. 
  And this, I have no doubt, was why,
  When Members wished Lord Scutt good-bye,
  You could not see one humid eye.
       * * * * *
  The moral of this simple strain
  I trust is adequately plain. 
  When people crave for information
  Unfit, in war, for publication,
  They take a line, from vice or levity,
  That’s not conducive to longevity.

* * * * *

AN AFRICAN APPEAL.

The Baboo must look to his laurels, for other dusky aspirants to fluent articulate culture are on the warpath, and they are by no means to be underrated.  I have seen lately quite a number of letters from young studious gentlemen of Ashantee, who, having acquired a little English, desire more, and develop a passion for correspondence with English strangers, whose names they pick up.  The following typical example, dated March 9th, 1917, will serve to illustrate the new habit:—­

“DEAR SIR,—­I am with much pleasure to indite you about your name that has come to my hand with great, joy.  On the receipt of this letter, know that I want to be one of your fellow friends.  You have been reported to me by a friend of mine of your good attention and benevolences.  My openion of writing you is to say, I want to take you as my favourite friend.  Everything or news that may be happened there at
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 23, 1917 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.