CHARIVARIA.

Mr. William Watson describes his new book of verse, The Man Who Saw, as “an intermittent commentary on the main developments and some of the collateral phenomena of the War.”  People are already asking, “Why was a man like this left out of the Dardanelles Commission?”

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Weeds are a source of great trouble to the amateur gardener, says a contemporary, because he is not always able to recognise them.  A good plan is to pull them out of the ground.  If they come up again they are weeds.

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We hope that Mr. Charles Cochran is not indisposed, but we have not noticed a new revue by him this week.

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Sulphur from Italy is being distributed by the Explosives Committee.  This body must not be confused with the Expletives Committee, which gets it supply of sulphur straight from the Front.

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The Metropolitan Water Board is appealing against waste of water.  It is proposed to provide patriotic householders with attractive cards stating that the owner of the premises in which the card is displayed is bound in honour not to touch the stuff.

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According to a member of the Inventions Board, over two thousand solutions of the U-boat problem have already been received.  Unfortunately this is more than the number of U-boats available for experiment, but it is hoped that by strictly limiting the allowance to one submarine per invention the question may be determined in a manner satisfactory to the greatest possible number.

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Of eight applications received by the Barnes Council for the vacancy of Inspector of Nuisances three came from men of military age.  It is expected that the Council will suggest that these gentlemen should be invited to inspect the nuisances in front of the British trenches.

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The proprietor of thirteen steam rollers told the Egham Tribunal that in two years he had only been able to take one of them out of the yard.  We cannot think that he has really tried.  Much might have been done with kindness and a piece of cheese, while we have often seen quite large steam rollers being enticed along the road by a man with a red flag.

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A Swiss correspondent is informed that “Hindenburg’s legs are no longer strong enough to support him.”  The weakness appears to be gradually extending to his arms.

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“The starched collar must go,” remarks a contemporary ruefully.  Not, we hope, before a substitute has been found for some of those unwashable necks.

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“Lady conductors,” said the Underground Railway official last week, “must remember that the seats and straps are put there for the use of the passengers.”  We know all about straps, but we have often wondered what it feels like to use one of the seats on the Underground.