Green the G. (mounting the car).  I fear I am an unwelcome visitor.

The Eld.  G. (graciously).  It would be the first time in your life then, GREEN!

G. the G. Well, the fact is, I come to levy a little contribution on behalf of myself and the Coachman.  Times are hard, Gentlemen, and both of us have large families to support.  If you don’t believe me, ask the Coachman. (The Elderly G. explains that his wrappings prevent him from getting at his purse just then, while the others contribute with more or less readiness and liberality.) Many thanks.  Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of myself and the Coachman, and to express my sense of your generosity, I will sing you the great Jersey National Song, composed by myself, before leaving. (He sings a ditty with the following spirited Chorus):—­

  There the streets are paved with granite.  So neat and clean
  And lots of pretty, witty girls, are always to be seen! 
  With the brave old Mi-litia, Our foes to defy! 
  And there they grow the Cabba-ges—­Ten feet high!
  (All together, Gentlemen, please!) Yes, there they grow the
          Cabbages, there they grow the Cabbages, there they grow
          the Cabbages—­Ten feet high!

Thank you, Gentlemen, I’ve sung that song a number of times, and I never remember hearing the chorus better sung.  If you don’t believe me, ask the Coachman.

Coachman. I’ve never ’eard it better sung, Ladies and Gentlemen, I assure you.

    [GREEN the Guide descends in a blaze of popularity, and the
    “Royal Blue” rolls on in excellent spirits.

* * * * *

POLITICAL TRAINING.

Monday.—­Read Mr. CHAMBERLAIN’s remarks on abstinence from bodily exercise.  Sold my bicycle, and gave away all my rackets, bats, &c.  Resolved to follow the latest system.  Shall doubtless, by these means, reach Mr. C.’s high position as a statesman and orator.  Went out in a Bath-chair.  Five minutes after starting, man said he was not accustomed to drag so heavy an invalid, and must rest a little.  Tried a speech—­my maiden one—­on the Disadvantages of Bodily Exercise.  He listened respectfully, and, when at last I had finished, said he quite agreed with me, and that the fare was seven shillings.

Tuesday.—­Have decided that exercise in a Bath-chair is quite superfluous.  Resolved to take exercise, for the future, in a hammock, just outside the garden-door.  Must practise speech-making to the gardener.  Good idea—­Orchids.  Asked him what he thought about the new Orchid.  Miserable fool answered, “Awkud, zur?  Dunno waht thaht be.”  I said that was “awkud,” and had to laugh at the highly original side-splitter myself, as he never saw it.

Wednesday.—­Must really give up this long walk to the garden-door.  Shall never become a great statesman unless I do.  Resolved to take exercise in arm-chair in library.  The children’s governess came in to fetch a book.  Addressed her at some length on Free Education.  Afterwards, thought this subject was somewhat ill-chosen, as her salary is so small.