The Morose M. (to the Young Lady ’on his Left) Who’s GREEN the Guide?

The Y.L. Oh, don’t you know?  He comes with the cars and makes jokes and all that.  I hope he’ll come to us.

The Mor.  M. I don’t.  I can do that sort of thing for myself if I want to, I hope. [With a scowl.

The Y.L. Well, there’s no harm in hoping!

The Serious Comm.  T. (to his neighbour—­one of the Shop-ladies).  So you come from Birmingham?  Dear me, now.  I used to be there very often on business at one time.  Do you know the Rev. Mr. PODGER there?  A good old gentleman, he is.  I used to attend his Chapel regular—­most improving discourses he used to give us.  I am fond of a good Sermon, aren’t you? &c.

    [He imagines—­not altogether correctly—­that he is producing
    an agreeable impression.

A Young Man in a Frock-coat, Canvas-shoes, and Cloth-cap. Scarborough?  Yes, I’ve been there—­but I don’t care about it much.  You have to dress such a lot there, y’ know, and I like to come out just as I am!

[The conversation, notwithstanding its brilliancy, is beginning to flag—­when the car is boarded by a stalwart good-looking man, carrying a banjo, and wearing a leather shoulder-belt with “GREEN the Guide” in brass letters upon it; the Elderly Gentleman, and most of the Ladies welcome him with effusion, while the Younger Men appear to resent his appearance.

The Mor.  M. (sotto voce).  If he’s going to play that old instrument of torture, I shall howl, that’s all!

Green the Guide (in a deep baritone voice).  Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I congratulate you upon having a fine day for our excursion.  My glass went up three feet this morning.

The Morose Man (aggressively).  Was there whiskey inside it?

Green the Guide.  No, Sir, it would have gone down suddenly if there had been. (The Elderly G. asks for a song.) I shall be delighted to entertain you to the best of my ability.  What would you like to have?

The Mor.  M. None of your songs—­give us an imitation—­of a deaf and dumb man.

Green the G. (with perfect good-humour).  I shall be happy to do the deaf man, Sir,—­if you’ll help me by doing the dumb. (The Mor.  M. begins to feel that he had better leave GREEN the Guide alone.) Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I’ll sing you a good old-fashioned hunting-song, and I’ll ask you to join me in the Chorus.

    [He sings “We’ll all go out hunting to-day!"

The Mor.  M. (after the First Verse).  The beggar don’t sing so badly.  I will say that for him! (After the Third.) Capital voice he has!  Rattling good Chorus, too!  “Join the glad throng that goes laughing along, and we’ll all go a-hunting to-day!” (At the end.) Bravo! encore! encore!