Much I marvelled this sophistic fowl to utter pessimistic
Fustian, which so little meaning—­little relevancy bore
To the rule of me and SOLLY; but, although it may sound folly,
This strange fowl a strange resemblance to “Our Only General” wore,
To the W-LS-L-Y whose pretensions to sound military lore

                    Are becoming quite a bore.

But the Raven, sitting lonely on that much-peeled bust, spake only
Of our Army as a makeshift, small, ill-manned, and precious poor. 
Drat the pessimistic bird!—­he grumbled of “the hurdy-gurdy
Marching-past side of a soldier’s life in peace.”  “We’ve fought
before,
Winning battles with boy-troops,” I cried, “We’ll do as we before—­”
Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!”

“Nonsense!” said I.  “After dinner at the Holborn, as a winner
Spake I in the Pangloss spirit to the taxpayers, (Don’t snore!)
Told them our recruits—­who’ll master e’en unmerciful disaster,
Come in fast and come in faster, quite as good as those of yore,”—­
“Flattering tales of (Stan) Hope!” cried the bird, whose dismal
dirges bore,
One dark burden—­“Nevermore!”

“Hang it, Raven, this is riling!” cried I.  “Stop your rude
reviling!”
Then I wheeled my office-chair in front of bird and bust and door;
And upon its cushion sinking, “I,” I said, “will smash like winking
This impeachment you are bringing, O you ominous bird of yore,
O you grim, ungainly, ghastly, grumbling, gruesome feathered bore!”
Croaked the Raven, “You I’ll floor.”

Then methought the bird looked denser, and his cheek became
immenser. 
And he twaddled of VON MOLTKE, and his German Army Corps;
“Flattering the tax-payers’ vanity,” and much similar insanity,
In a style that lacked urbanity, till the thing became a bore. 
“Oh, get out of it!” I cried; “our little Army yet will score.” 
Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!”

“Prophet!” said I, “of all evil, that we’re ‘going to the devil’
Has been the old croaker’s gospel for a century, and more. 
Red-gilled Colonels this have chaunted in BRITTANIA’s ears
undaunted,
By their ghosts you must he haunted.  Take a Blue-pill, I implore! 
When our Army meets the foe it’s bound to lick him as of yore!”
Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!

“Prophet!” said I, “that’s uncivil.  You may go to—­well, the devil! 
That Establishments are ‘short,’ and ‘standards’ lowered o’er and
o’er. 
That mere ‘weeds,’ with chests of maiden, cannot march with
knapsack laden;
That the heat of sultry Aden, or the cold of Labrador,
Such can’t stand, may be the truth; but keep it dark, bird, I
implore!”
Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!”

“Then excuse me, we’ll be parting, doleful fowl,” I cried,
upstarting;
“Get thee back to—­the Red River, or the Nile’s sand-cumbered shore! 
Leave no ‘Magazine’ as token of the twaddle you have spoken. 
What?  BRITANNIA stoney-broken?  Quit her bust above my door. 
Take thy hook from the War Office; take thy beak from off my door!”
Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!”