Mild Man (alighting at Hotel for luncheon).  We’ve had a remarkably lucky escape—­I never felt more thankful in my life!

A Gloomy Exc. Don’t you be in too great a hurry, Sir!  We’ve got to get back—­and he’s bound to be worse after he’s had his lunch!

[The M.M.’s appetite for lobster is entirely destroyed by this sinister prediction; but whether the Driver has been unjustly maligned, or whether he has sobered himself in the interval—­he reappears in a more sedentary, and less discursive mood, and the journey home proves agreeably devoid of sensation.

* * * * *

SIMPLE STORIES.

“Be always kind to animals wherever you may be.”

RUBY AND THE ROOK.

RUBY, although she was something of a tomboy, was a pretty and clever girl.

But, like many pretty and clever little ladies, she was sometimes very naughty.  When she was good, she was as good as gold, but when she was naughty, she was as naughty as pinchbeck.

The other day, when her dear Mamma was away for the morning, it happened to be one of her pinchbeck times.  Nothing would please her—­she was cross with her governess at breakfast, she quarrelled with her bread-and-milk; and even when her favourite tame Rook, Cawcus, came hopping on her shoulder, she refused to give it anything to eat, but hit it on the beak with her spoon.

[Illustration]

Miss DUMBELL was very much grieved at the way in which her pupil lolled in her chair, gave sullen answers, and put flies in the milk-jug, and pinched the cat’s tail.  “Mind, RUBY,” said Miss DUMBELL, “at eleven o’clock I shall expect you in the school-room with that page of French phrases quite perfect.”  RUBY’s eyes flashed as she went out of the room; she pouted, she swung her skirts, and shook her shoulders, so that even Miss DUMBELL, the most patient and kindest of governesses, quite longed to slap her.

RUBY went to the school-room; she immediately flung the French phrase-book from one end of the room to the other.  She took some story-books, and a little basket full of apples, bath-buns and “three-corners,” and ran down to a little plantation called the Wilderness, at the bottom of the garden.  She selected one of the tallest elms, and as she could climb like a kitten, she was soon at the top of it, quite hidden from view among the leaves.

“So much for old DUMMY and her French phrases!” said the naughty girl, as she settled herself in a comfortable position and brought out her story-book.  The stable-clock had struck twelve, and she heard her name called in all directions, by JORGINS, the gardener, BRILLIT, the buttons, and long-suffering Miss DUMBELL.  They could not find her anywhere, and her Most Serene Naughtiness sat screened by the leaves and shook with laughter.

Presently “Cawcus,” her pet Rook, came fluttering amid the leaves, and began to caw.  RUBY offered him bits of Bath bun, and even a whole three-corner, in order to keep him quiet.