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AT THE PATTENMAKERS’ BANQUET.—­At the Court Dinner of the Pattenmakers, held at the Metropole. the eulogies of the Worshipful Master, Sir AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS (now Master of Horse at Drury Lane), were plentiful, and he had a considerable amount of patten on the back from all his guests.  The great dish of the evening was Partridge au Patten, an English substitute for Perdrix au chou.

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[Illustration:  FANCY PORTRAIT.]

OUR GRAND YOUNG GARDNER (HERBERT II.),

IN HIS NEW CHARACTER OF THE MINISTER OF AGRICULTURE.

(With Song)—­“Here’s to the Health of the Parley Mow!”

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SONNET ON CHILLON.

(WHERE THE ELECTRIC LIGHT IS NOW INSTALLED IN THE DUNGEON OF BONIVARD.)

  Electric lighting, dear to modern mind,
    Bright in this dungeon!  Switzerland, thou art
    Too mad for things quite fin-de-siecle smart! 
  Surely the trains, that rumble just behind,
  And Vevey tramcars, in my thoughts consigned
    To even hotter place, had been enough
    To scare SAND, HUGO, SHELLEY, in a huff;
  Make BYRON cast his poem to the wind! 
  Chillon, thy prison may become a place
    With little marble tables in a row,
  Where tourists, dressed with artless English grace,
    May drink their bock or cafe down below,
  And foreign penknives rapidly efface
    The boasted names this light is meant to show.

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MUSICAL NOTE.—­The most tranquillising, or even somniferous melodies ever composed, must have been those written by the celebrated LULLI.  The first thing by LULLI was a “Lulliby.”

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NEW WORDS TO AN OLD TUNE (AND A SYLLABLE TO SPARE).—­Song for the SECRETARY for IRELAND:—­“’Tis all for good luck, quoth bould Rory O’Mor-ley.”

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ALL THE DIFFERENCE—­between “Sir G.O.M.” and “The G.O.M.”

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EXAMINATION PAPER FOR A PRESS CANDIDATE.

(WITH A VIEW TO CARRYING OUT THE SUGGESTION OF THE INSTITUTE OF JOURNALISTS.)

1.  What are the principal duties of an Editor?  State what you would do if you were visited by bores of the following kinds:—­(1), a friend; (2), an enemy; (3), a proprietor.

2.  Show how a political article may be written, saying as little as possible in the greatest amount of space?  Give specimens of “writing round a subject” without offending susceptibilities.

3.  What are the duties of a Dramatic Critic?  Show, by a specimen article, how a critique of a bad play, indifferently performed, can yet be made to give satisfaction to the Author, the Manager, the Company, and the Public?