You will conceive my disappointment!  It is now from November 2d, that I have had a line from England.

Captain Layman says—­he is sure the letters are sunk, never to rise again; but, as they were not thrown overboard until the vessel struck the rock, I have much fear that they may have fallen into the hands of the Dons.

My reports from off Toulon, state the French fleet as still in port; but, I shall ever be uneasy at not having fallen in with them.

I know, my dear Emma, that it is in vain to repine; but my feelings are alive to meeting those fellows, after near two years hard service.

What a time!  I could not have thought it possible that I should have been so long absent; unwell, and uncomfortable, in many respects.

However, when I calculate upon the French fleet’s not coming to sea for this summer, I shall certainly go for dear England, and a thousand [times] dearer Merton.  May Heavens bless you, my own Emma!

I cannot think where Sir William Bolton is got to; he ought to have joined me, before this time.

I send you a trifle, for a birth-day’s gift.  I would to God, I could give you more; but, I have it not!

I get no prize-money worth naming; but, if I have the good fortune to meet the French fleet, I hope they will make me amends for all my anxiety; which has been, and is, indescribable.

How is my dear Horatia?  I hope you have her under your guardian wing, at Merton.  May God bless her!

Captain Layman is now upon his trial.  I hope he will come clear, with honour.  I fear, it was too great confidence in his own judgment that got him into the scrape; but it was impossible that any person living could have exerted himself more, when in a most trying and difficult situation.

  March 10th.

Poor Captain L. has been censured by the court:  but, I have my own opinion.  I sincerely pity him; and have wrote to Lord Melville, and Sir Evan Nepean, to try what can be done.  All together, I am much unhinged.

To-morrow, if the wind lasts, I shall be off Toulon.

Sir William Bolton is safe, I heard of him this morning.  I hear, that a ship is coming out for him; but, as this is only rumour, I cannot keep him from this opportunity of being made post:  and, I dare say, he will cause, by his delay, such a tumble, that Louis’s son, who I have appointed to the Childers, will lose his promotion; and, then Sir Billy will be wished at the devil!  But, I have done with this subject; the whole history has hurt me.  Hardy has talked enough to him, to rouze his lethargic disposition.

I have been much hurt at the loss of poor Mr. Girdlestone!  He was a good man; but there will be an end of us all.

What has Charles Connor been about?  His is a curious letter!  If he does not drink, he will do very well.  Captain Hilliar has been very good to him.

Colonel Suckling, I find, has sent his son to the Mediterranean; taking him from the Narcissus, where I had been at so much pains to place him.  I know not where to find a frigate to place him.  He never will be so well and properly situated again.  I am more plagued with other people’s business, or rather nonsense, than with my own concerns,