or make special displays of affection or intimacy before people.  She will if possible suppress the sudden sneeze, and use every effort to quiet a cough.  She will not go uninvited into the private room of anyone, nor into the kitchen of her hostess where she is a visitor.  All such things really inflict pain upon sensitive people; they offend because they obtrude; and all similar actions and obtrusiveness are to be carefully avoided by everyone who desires to acquire a true and genuine culture of action, speech, and manners.  It is well worth your while to think earnestly and often upon these things; to learn to understand why so many thoughtless actions on the part of young people are set down to a general lack of cultivation.  All such obtrusiveness must be done away with before we shall be able to realize the prayer of David, “that our daughters may be like corner-stones, polished after the similitude of a palace.”

LETTER VIII.

Who are the cultivated?

My Dear Daughter:—­No words in the English language are so much bandied about in efforts to describe or classify society at the present day as are the words “culture,” “cultured,” “cultivated” and their antitheses.  These are the terms that intimidate the vain, selfish, illiterate rich; for to be described as “rich but uncultivated” is regarded as a greater slur upon the social standing of families than to be reported as having gained wealth by dishonesty or trickery.  And then the matter is made all the harder for those willing to acquire a hypocritical polish at any expense if they can only be called “cultivated,” from the fact that they do not know what true culture is, nor are they able to recognize it when they see it.  They are like a person lacking in all artistic sense, who wishes to buy pictures—­at the mercy of every impostor.

What, then, is the secret that lies behind the demeanor and manners of the cultivated man or woman, or the cultivated family?  What power or what sentiment modulates the voice to kind and gentle tones; restrains the boisterous conversation or laughter; gives such a delicate perception of the rights of others as to make impossible the dictatorial or arrogant form of address the impertinent question, the personal familiarity, the curiosity about private affairs, the forwardness in giving advice or expressing unasked opinions, the boastful statement of personal possessions or qualities, the action that causes pain or inconvenience or discomfort to associates or dependents, all of which are the most common forms of transgression among the uncultivated?