said he,’do you not read in the bible, he that
offends in one point is guilty of all?’ I said,
‘Yes.’ Then he assured me, that one
sin unatoned for was as sufficient to damn a soul
as one leak was to sink a ship. Here I was struck
with awe; for the minister exhorted me much, and reminded
me of the shortness of time, and the length of eternity,
and that no unregenerate soul, or any thing unclean,
could enter the kingdom of Heaven. He did not
admit me as a communicant; but recommended me to read
the scriptures, and hear the word preached, not to
neglect fervent prayer to God, who has promised to
hear the supplications of those who seek him in godly
sincerity; so I took my leave of him, with many thanks,
and resolved to follow his advice, so far as the Lord
would condescend to enable me. During this time
I was out of employ, nor was I likely to get a situation
suitable for me, which obliged me to go once more
to sea. I engaged as steward of a ship called
the Hope, Capt. Richard Strange, bound from London
to Cadiz in Spain. In a short time after I was
on board I heard the name of God much blasphemed,
and I feared greatly, lest I should catch the horrible
infection. I thought if I sinned again, after
having life and death set evidently before me, I should
certainly go to hell. My mind was uncommonly
chagrined, and I murmured much at God’s providential
dealings with me, and was discontented with the commandments,
that I could not be saved by what I had done; I hated
all things, and wished I had never been born; confusion
seized me, and I wished to be annihilated. One
day I was standing on the very edge of the stern of
the ship, thinking to drown myself; but this scripture
was instantly impressed on my mind—’that
no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him,’
1 John iii. 15. Then I paused, and thought myself
the unhappiest man living. Again I was convinced
that the Lord was better to me than I deserved, and
I was better off in the world than many. After
this I began to fear death; I fretted, mourned, and
prayed, till I became a burden to others, but more
so to myself. At length I concluded to beg my
bread on shore rather than go again to sea amongst
a people who feared not God, and I entreated the captain
three different times to discharge me; he would not,
but each time gave me greater and greater encouragement
to continue with him, and all on board shewed me very
great civility: notwithstanding all this I was
unwilling to embark again. At last some of my
religious friends advised me, by saying it was my
lawful calling, consequently it was my duty to obey,
and that God was not confined to place, &c. &c. particularly
Mr. G.S. the governor of Tothil-fields Bridewell,
who pitied my case, and read the eleventh chapter
of the Hebrews to me, with exhortations. He prayed
for me, and I believed that he prevailed on my behalf,
as my burden was then greatly removed, and I found
a heartfelt resignation to the will of God. The
good man gave me a pocket Bible and Allen’s Alarm