COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.

From a butcher’s advertisement:—­

“TOUGH & INDIFFERENT MEAT
IS DEAR AT ANY PRICE. 
TRY
------ & Sons
And prove it for yourselves.”

* * * * *

“A certain amount of discussion took place, and it was
acknowledged that the number of horses in training had been
exagggerated.”—­Daily Chronicle.

Nevertheless there is certainly one gee too many.

* * * * *

The Lokalanzeiger publishes an appeal for a new German National Anthem.  We understand that the best composition that has been sent in up to the time of going to press begins as follows:—­

  Who is WILLIAM?  What is he
  That all our swine adore him?

* * * * *

ROYAL ACADEMY DEPRESSIONS.

[Illustration:  The Plough Girl.  “NOW THEN, MABEL, NOT SO MUCH POSING OR YOU’LL HAVE THE HORSES BUMPING INTO THAT RAINBOW.”]

[Illustration:  Old Lady (regarding the mannequin).  “I DON’T THINK THAT DRESS WOULD REALLY SUIT ME.  CHIN-CHIN DOESN’T SEEM TO CARE ABOUT IT EITHER.”]

[Illustration:  THE UNHAPPY DINER WHO HAS BEEN REFUSED A SECOND HELPING.]

[Illustration:  Mr. Martin Harvey.—­“IT IS A FAR, FAR BETTER HAMLET THAN ANYONE HAS EVER DONE.”]

[Illustration:  THE MUTUAL ADMIRATION OF THE BRETON AND THE BISHOP.]

[Illustration:  The Terrier.  “EXCUSE ME, GUV’NOR, BUT WHEN YOU’VE FINISHED READING THE DESPATCHES YOU MIGHT LOOK AND SEE IF THEY’RE GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT US.”]

[Illustration:  The Angel and the Veteran (to conscientious objector).  “YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE GREAT WAR?”]

* * * * *

THE JOLLY BARGEMAN.

  I’ve put the old mare’s tail in plaits, now ain’t she lookin’ gay? 
  With ribbons in ‘er mane as well—­you’d think it First o’ May;
  For why? we’re under Government, though it ain’t just plain to me
  If we’re in the Civil Service or the Admiralitee.

  An’ it’s “Gee-hup, Mabel,” oh, we’ll do the best we’re able,
  For we’re servin’ of our country an’ we’re ‘elpin’ ’er to win;
  An’ when the War is over then we’ll all lie down in clover,
  With a drink all together at the “Navigation Inn”!

  I brought the news to Missis, an’ to ’er these words did say,
  “Just chuck yon old broom-’andle an’ a two-three nails this way,
  We’re bound to ’ave a flagstaff for our old red-white-and-blue,
  For since we’re under Government we’ll ’ave our ensign too.”

  The Navy is the Navy, an’ it sails upon the sea;
  The Army is the Army, an’ on land it ’as to be;
  There’s the land an’ there’s the water, ’an the Cut comes in
          between,
  And I don’t know what you’d call me if it ain’t an ’Orse Marine.