In other professions in which men engage
    (Said I to myself—­said I),
  The Army, the Navy, the Church, and the Stage
    (Said I to myself—­said I),
  Professional license, if carried too far,
  Your chance of promotion will certainly mar
  And I fancy the rule might apply to the Bar
    (Said I to myself—­said I!).

THE FAMILY FOOL.

  Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon,
    If you listen to popular rumor;
  From morning to night he’s so joyous and bright,
    And he bubbles with wit and good-humor! 
  He’s so quaint and so terse, both in prose and in verse;
    Yet though people forgive his transgression,
  There are one or two rules that all Family Fools
    Must observe, if they love their profession. 
      There are one or two rules
        Half a dozen, maybe,
      That all family fools,
        Of whatever degree,
    Must observe, if they love their profession.

  If you wish to succeed as a jester, you’ll need
    To consider each person auricular: 
  What is all right for B would quite scandalize C
    (For C is so very particular);
  And D may be dull, and E’s very thick skull
    Is as empty of brains as a ladle;
  While F is F sharp, and will cry with a carp,
    That he’s known your best joke from his cradle! 
      When your humor they flout,
        You can’t let yourself go;
      And it does put you out
        When a person says, “Oh! 
  I have known that old joke from my cradle!”

  If your master is surly, from getting up early
    (And tempers are short in the morning),
  An inopportune joke is enough to provoke
    Him to give you, at once, a month’s warning
  Then if you refrain, he is at you again,
    For he likes to get value for money. 
  He’ll ask then and there, with an insolent stare,
    If you know that you’re paid to be funny?”
      It adds to the task
        Of a merryman’s place,
      When your principal asks,
        With a scowl on his face,
  If you know that you’re paid to be funny?”

  Comes a Bishop, maybe, or a solemn D.D.—­
    Oh, beware of his anger provoking! 
  Better not pull his hair—­don’t stick pins in his chair;
    He don’t understand practical joking. 
  If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack,
    You may get a bland smile from these sages;
  But should it, by chance, be imported from France,
    Half-a-crown is stopped out of your wages! 
      It’s a general rule,
        Though your zeal it may quench,
      If the Family Fool
        Makes a joke that’s too French,
  Half-a-crown is stopped out of his wages!