HUSBAND—­“Good gracious, Alice, you must make that check last longer than that!”

“Dearie,” said the young married man, “I have to go to New York on business.  It will only take a day or so and I hope you won’t miss me too much while I’m gone, but—­”

“I won’t,” answered his young wife, positively, “because I’m going with you.”

“I wish you could, dear, but it won’t be convenient this time.  What would you want to go for, anyhow?  I’m going to be too busy to be with you, and—­”

“I have to go.  I need clothes.”

“But, darling—­you can get all the clothes you want right here on Euclid Avenue.”

“Thank you.  That’s all I wanted.”

“I’m just waiting for my husband to complain about my extravagance this month.”

“Ready to give him an argument, eh?”

“You bet I am.  By mistake his golf-club checks came to the house, and I’ve got ’em.”

“You are not economical,” said the infuriated husband.

“Well,” flashed his wife, “if you don’t call a woman economical who saves her wedding dress for a possible second marriage, I’d love to know just what you do call economy.”

“But your fiance has such a small salary, how are you going to live?”

“Oh, we’re going to economize.  We’re going to do without such a lot of things that Jack needs.”

“Are you an expert accountant,” asked the prospective employer.

“Yes, sir,” said the applicant.

“Your written references seem to be all right, but tell me more about yourself.”

“Well, my wife kept a household account for thirty days.  One night after supper I sat down and in less than an hour found out how much we owed our grocer.”

“Hang up your hat and coat,” said the employer with a glad smile.  “The job is yours.”

HE—­“My dear, I’ve warned you before, and now I must insist that we try to live within our income.”

SHE—­“Oh, very well, if you want to be considered eccentric by everybody in our set.”

“Now,” said the bridegroom to the bride, when they returned from their honeymoon trip, “let us have a clear understanding before we settle down to married life.  Are you the president or the vice-president of the society?”

“I want to be neither president nor vice-president,” she answered.  “I will be content with a subordinate position.”

“What position is that, my dear?”

“Treasurer.”

SHE—­“When we go anywhere now we have to take the street-car.  Before our marriage you always called a taxi.”

HE—­“Exactly.  And that’s the reason we have to go in the street-car now.”

“My wife certainly makes my salary go a long way.”

“So does mine—­so far that none of it ever comes back.”

“I’m having trouble in supporting my wife.”

“You don’t know what trouble is.  Try not supporting her.”

WILLIS—­“The Highfliers are going to give up their big house this winter.”