WILLIE—­“Pa, what is discretion?”

FATHER—­“Oh, that’s only another name for lack of nerve, my son.”

Discretion is the perfection of reason, and a guide to win all the duties of life.—­Addison.

DISPOSITION

“Allow me to congratulate you.”

“What for?”

“Oh, for just anything—­the sunshine, the blue skies, the fact that you are up and about.  Isn’t that something?”

“No!”

“Then congratulate me for not having a disposition like yours.”

“Have you heard my last joke?” asked the Pest, as he stopped the Grouch on the street.

“I hope so,” replied the Grouch, as he kept on traveling.

“Why is it, Bob,” asked George of a very stout friend, “that you fat fellows are always good natured?”

“We have to be,” answered Bob.  “You see, we can’t either fight or run.”

“What a cheerful woman Mrs. Smiley is!”

“Isn’t she?  Why, do you know, that woman can have a good time thinking what a good time she would have if she were having it.”

DISTANCES

The German officer who confiscated a map of Cripple Creek belonging to an American traveler, and remarked that “the German Army might get there some time,” should be classed with the London banker who said to a solicitous mother seeking to send cash to San Antonio, Texas, for her wandering son:  “We haven’t any correspondent in San Antonio, but I’ll give you a draft on New York, and he can ride in and cash it any fine afternoon.”

At Sadieville, Ky., a tourist called to an old colored man:  “Hey uncle!  How far is it to Lexington?”

“I don’t know, suh; hit used to be ’bout twenty-five mile, but ev’ything’s gone up so I speck hit’s ’bout fohty now, suh.”

“Where do you live in the city—­close in?”

“Fairly so—­thirty minutes on foot, fifteen by motor-car, twenty-five by street-car, and forty-five by telephone.”

DIVORCE

“Binks has married again.”

“I knew he didn’t deserve that divorce!”

At the present terrific rate of divorce cases, we shall soon need a new reference-book—­“Who’s Whose.”

SOLICITOR (whose client is thinking of getting a divorce)—­“Well, you can get it for about twenty pounds; everything done quietly and no publicity.”

CLIENT—­“And how much will the real thing cost, with lots of publicity and everything?”

WIFE (trying to think of The Hague)—­“Let’s see, what is the name of the place where so much was done toward promoting peace in the world?”

HUB—­“Reno, my dear.”

“And are the divorce laws so very liberal in your section?”

“Liberal?  Say!  They are so liberal that nobody ever heard of a woman crying at a wedding out there.”