“I’se sorry, boss; I sure is,” he replied with diplomatic suavity; “but I jes’ cain’t do it.  You see, de banker on de nex’ cohner an’ me—­we done made a ’greement dat ef I didn’t loan money he wouldn’t shine shoes, an’ I jes’ cain’t break dat ’greement.”

Diplomacy has been defined as the art of letting someone else have your way.

DISARMAMENT

  Were half the power that fills the world with terror,
    Were half the wealth bestowed on camps and courts
  Given to redeem the human mind from ERROR,
    There were no need of arsenals and forts.

  —­Longfellow.

“What do you think of this disarmament idea?”

“I’m for it.  If those people next door will sell their player piano, I’ll agree to have my daughter stop taking singing lessons.”

DISCHARGE

COMMANDING OFFICER—­“Snathy, here is your honorable discharge, you ought to be proud of it.”

SNATHY—­“Deed ah am Cap.  Why in civil life when ah was discharged ah was jest fired.”

DISCIPLINE

The principal of a certain school for girls had occasion to speak sharply to one of the pupils.

“Marion,” he said, “you’ve neglected your work shamefully, and you must remain with me an hour after school.”

Marion shrugged her thin little shoulders.  “Well,” she said, “if your wife doesn’t mind it, I’m sure I don’t.”

In a certain public school very advanced ideas are put into practice.  No pupil is ever punished in any way, for the individuality of every child is considered too sacred for repression.

One day, soon after her enrollment at this school, little Grace arrived home, her face streaked with tears and her mouth covered with blood.

“My precious!  What happened?” cried her mother.

The little girl was soon pouring out her story in her mother’s arms.  Sammy Gates, it appeared, had struck her and knocked out two teeth.

When Grace had been kissed, comforted, and washed, her father wanted to know how the teacher had dealt with Sammy.

“She didn’t do anything,” said Grace.

“Well, what did she say?”

“She called Sammy up to the desk and said, ’Sammy, don’t you know that was very anti-social?’”

HUSBAND—­“You’ll never get that new dog of yours to mind you.”

WIFE—­“Oh, yes, I will.—­You were just as troublesome yourself at first.”

See also Children; Parents.

DISCOUNTS

SPOKESMAN OF CREDITORS—­“Veil, Cohen, we’ve decided to accept five cents on a tollar—­cash.”

COHEN, THE DEBTOR—­“Cash, you say?  Den, of course, I get der regular cash discount?”—­Puck.

DISCRETION