Geordie Ryton, the village cobbler, bought two clocks, one a grandfather’s.  He put it in a corner and placed a small nickel clock on the mantel-shelf.  The grandfather’s clock has not been altered to the Daylight Saving Bill’s requirements.  “Hoo is’t, Geordie,” asked a customer, “ye’ve altered the smaal clock and not the gran’faither’s clock?”

“Wey,” replied Geordie, “they said the gran’faither’s clock’s been tellin’ the truth for ower sixty year, an’ Aa can’t find it in me heart te make a liar ov it noo.  But the little begger wes made in Jarmany, so it’ll be aal reet, he’s as reet as can be for that job.”

“What is worrying you now?”

“Oh, nothing much,” replied the man who is perpetually pensive.  “I am merely trying to figure out what has become of all the daylight I saved since we set the clocks forward.”

“Jonas,” ordered the farmer, “all the clocks in the house have run down.  Wish you’d hitch up and ride down to the junction and find out what time it is.”

“I ain’t got a watch.  Will you lend me one?”

“Watch!  Watch!  What d’ye want a watch fer?  Write it down on a piece of paper.”

DEAD BEATS

See Bills; Collecting of accounts.

DEBTS

CREDITOR—­“You couldn’t go around in your fine automobile if you paid your debts.”

DEBTOR—­“That’s so!  I’m glad you look at it in the same light that I do.”

HARDUPPE—­“I really must apologize for looking so shabby.”

FLUBDUBB—­“Oh, clothes don’t make the man.”

HARDUPPE—­“Still, many a man owes a lot to his tailor.”

“Look ’ere—­I asks yer for the last time for that ’arf-dollar yer owes me.”

“Thank ’evins!—­that’s the end of a silly question.”

A floating debt is a poor life saver.

“Yes,” said the world traveler, “the Chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New-year’s day.”

“So I understand,” said the American host, “but, then, the Chinese don’t have a Christmas the week before.”

OKE—­“Would you be satisfied if you had all the money you wanted?”

OWENS—­“I’d be satisfied if I had all the money my creditors wanted.”

MR. THURSDAY—­“Our friend, Dodge, tells me that he is doing settlement work lately.”

MR. FRIDAY—­“Yes, his creditors finally cornered him.”

“How did Cranbury ever manage to get so deeply in debt as he is?”

“I wish I knew.  I can’t even stand my grocer off for more than a week at a time.”

RASTUS—­“How much, boss?”

DRUGGIST—­“Sixty cents and three cents war tax.”

RASTUS—­“Boss, Ah done thought de wah was over.”

DRUGGIST—­“Sure, it is, but we have to pay the debts.”

RASTUS—­“Boss, Ah always thought de one whut lost paid de debts.  Dat’s why I fight so hard.”