“What are the luxuries of life?”

“Things that were necessities two years ago.”

A couple of Philadelphia youths, who had not met in a long while, met and fell to discussing their affairs in general.

“I understand,” said one, “that you broke your engagement with Clarice Collines.”

“No, I didn’t break it.”

“Oh, she broke it?”

“No, she didn’t break it.”

“But it is broken?”

“Yes.  She told me what her raiment cost, and I told her what my income was.  Then our engagement sagged in the middle and gently dissolved.”

COUNTRY LIFE

UNCLE EZRA—­“So ye just got back from New York!  What’s the difference between the city and the country?”

UNCLE EBEN—­“Wal, in the country you go to bed feeling all in and get up feeling fine, and in the city you go to bed feeling fine and get up feeling all in.”—­Life.

Little Mary was visiting her grandmother in the country.  Walking in the garden, she chanced to see a peacock, a bird she had never seen before.  After gazing in silent admiration, she ran quickly into the house and cried out:  “Oh, granny, come and see!  One of your chickens is in bloom.”

A man living in the heart of London has recently bought a cow, which he keeps in his back-yard.  Thirty milkmen have already been noticed looking over the wall to see what a cow looks like.

Little Betty had been greatly interested in watching the men in her grandfather’s orchard putting bands round the fruit trees and asked many questions.

Some weeks later, when in the city with her mother, she noticed a gentleman with a mourning band round his left sleeve.

“Mamma,” she asked, “what’s to keep them from crawling up his other arm?”

A minister, spending a holiday in the North of Ireland, was out walking, and, feeling very thirsty, called at a farmhouse for a drink of milk.  The farmer’s wife gave him a large bowl of milk, and while he was quenching his thirst a number of pigs got round about him.  The minister noticed that the pigs were very strange in their manner, so he said: 

“My good lady, why are the pigs so excited?”

The farmer’s wife replied, “Sure, it’s no wonder they are excited, sir; it’s their own little bowl you are drinking out of!”

An enterprising salesman was trying to persuade a farmer to buy a bicycle.  The farmer was in town for the day, and had determined to see everything.

“I’d rather spend my money on a cow,” said he proudly.

“But think,” said the salesman, “what a fool you’d look riding about on a cow.”

“Not half such a fool as I’d look trying to milk a bicycle,” answered the farmer.

“Hiram,” said the farmer’s wife, “what makes you say ‘By gosh!’ so much and go round with a straw in your mouth?”

“I’m getting ready for them summer boarders that’s comin’ next week.  If some of us don’t talk an’ act that way, they’ll think we ain’t country folks at all.”