CONUNDRUMS

A party of young people were amusing themselves by guessing the answers to conundrums.  One of them asked, “Why is the pancake like the sun?”

“Because it rises in der yeast and sets behind der vest,” was the answer given by a brilliant young Swede.

They were discussing that joke about getting down off an elephant.

“How do you get down?” asked the jokesmith for the fourth time.

“You climb down.”

“Wrong!”

“You grease his sides and slide down.”

“Wrong!!”

“You take a ladder and get down.”

“Wrong!!!”

“Well, you take the trunk line down.”

“No, not quite.  You don’t get down off an elephant; you get it off a goose.”

COOKERY

“So your husband kept house and cooked his own meals while you were away.  Did he enjoy it?”

“He says he did; but I notice that the parrot has learned to swear during my absence.”

“My husband has had indigestion for the past month.”

“Really!  I’m so sorry!  I had no idea you were without a cook.”

OFFICER—­“Is that soup ready, Jones?”

OFFICER’S SERVANT—­“No, sir, the stove went out, sir.”

OFFICER—­“Went out!  Then why don’t you light it again?”

OFFICER’S SERVANT—­“’Cos it went out by the roof, sir.”

“How do you like my pound cake, dearie?” asked Mrs. Newlywed.

“Why, er-er-er,” stammered Mr. Newlywed, “I don’t think you pounded it enough, did you?”

She had not been married long.  She made a pie for dinner.  During the meal she hesitatingly remarked to her husband: 

“I think I left out something and the pie isn’t very good.”

After taking a bite he sadly replied: 

“You are wrong, my dear!  Nothing you left out could make a pie taste like this.  It’s something you put in.”

COOKS

See Servants

COOPERATION

  It is not the guns or armament
    Or the money they can pay;
  It’s the close cooperation
    That makes them win the day;
  It’s not the individual
    Or the army as a whole
  But the everlasting team work
    Of every blooming soul.

  —­Kipling.

CORPULENCE

A very fat old lady who got stuck in the door of a car could get neither out nor in.

“Sideways, ma’am.  Try sideways,” the conductor shouted helpfully.

“Oh, drat the feller,” panted the old lady.  “I ain’t got no sideways.”

“Excuse me, madam, would you mind walking the other way and not passing the horse?” said an English cabman, with exaggerated politeness, to the fat woman who had just paid a minimum fare, with no fee.