“Why don’t you pay your bills?” angrily demanded the collector, after his tenth fruitless call.

“What?” exclaimed Mr. Dedbete.  “Do you imagine I could be so hard-hearted as to deprive you poor fellows of your employment?”

ARTIST—­“I’m awfully sorry I can’t pay you this month.”

LANDLORD—­“But that’s what you said last month.”

ARTIST—­“You see I keep my word; you can have confidence in me.”

See also Bills; Debts.

COLLECTION BOX

See Contribution box.

COLLEGE GRADUATES

“There’s a college graduate at the door.  He wants a job.”

“What can he do?” asked the self-made man.

“He says he’s pretty good in Greek.”

“Umph!  Tell him I haven’t sold $1 worth of goods to Greece since I’ve been in the export business.”

COLLEGE STUDENTS

“I am delighted to meet you,” said the father of the college student, shaking hands warmly with the professor.  “My son took algebra from you last year, you know.”

“Pardon me,” said the professor, “he was exposed to it, but he did not take it.”

RUPERT—­“What did you do with the cuffs I left on the table last night?”

ROLAND—­“They were so soiled I sent them to the laundry.”

RUPERT—­“Ye gods, the entire history of England was on them.”

’07—­“You are always behind in your studies.”

’23—­“Well, you see, sir, it gives me a chance to pursue them.”

STUDENT (writing home)—­“How do you spell ’financially’?”

OTHER—­“F-i-n-a-n-c-i-a-l-l-y, and there are two R’s in ‘embarrassed.’”—­Harper’s.

See also Degrees.

COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES

SOPH.—­“How does it happen you came to Harvard?  I thought your father was a Yale man.”

FRESH.—­“He was.  He wanted me to go to Yale; I wanted to go to Princeton.  We had an argument and he finally told me to go to H——.”—­Yale Record.

On The Aristocracy of Harvard

I come from good old Boston,
The home of the bean and the cod;
Where the Cabots speak only to Lowells,
And the Lowells speak only to God!

—­Dr. Samuel G. Bushnell.

On the Democracy of Yale

Here’s to the town of New Haven,
The home of the truth and the light;
Where God speaks to Jones in the very same tones,
That he uses with Hadley and Dwight!

—­Dean Jones.

COMMITTEE

BOBBIE—­“What is a committee, pa?”

FATHER—­“A committee, my son, is something which takes a week to do what one good man can do in an hour.”

COMMON SENSE