“Why, Auntie,” exclaimed the officer, “why don’t you want me to take it down?”

“Well, sah,” she answered, “dey ain’ be’n a bill collectah neah dis house sence dat sign went up.  You-all let it alone!”

Little Andrew was playing in the yard, in which there is a coop for his pigeons.  All pigeons were inside with the exception of one which was walking up and down in front of the door.  Andrew ran up to his mother in great excitement and said: 

“Mamma, is that one a collector?”

Whereat his mother asked him why.  Then Andrew said: 

“Well, he can’t get in.”

“Hello Millett,” called out a neighbor one morning “I saw you starting away yesterday morning very early on your fishing trip.  Did you have any luck?”

“Great!” was the reply.  “While I was away three collectors called.”

“I wish to see Mr. Jones about a bill.”

“He’s away on vacation, sir.”

“Did he leave any address?”

“Yes, sir.  For bill collectors it’s ‘Somewhere in America.’”

MERCHANT:  “They say you are very successful with old bills and seldom have to dun them twice.  What’s the secret?”

BAD-BILL COLLECTOR:  “I am afflicted with insomnia and do my collecting nights.”

A Texas tradesman has this pertinent sign in a conspicuous place in his store: 

Man is made of dust.

Dust Settles.

Be a Man!

“Norah,” said Mrs. Dedbeat, from the top of the stairs, “tell that man who is ringing the doorbell that I am not receiving today!”

The servant girl went to the door and said something to the man; then she stepped into the hall and called upstairs: 

“I told him you were not receivin’ today, ma’am!  But he says he ain’t deliverin’, he’s collectin’!”

He was running a small provision-store in a newly developed district, and the big wholesale dealers found him very backward in payment of his accounts.

They sent him letter after letter, each more politely threatening than the last.  Finally they sent their representative down to give him a sporting chance.

“Now,” said the caller, “we must have a settlement.  Why haven’t you sent us anything?  Are things going badly?”

“No.  Everything’s going splendidly.  You needn’t worry.  My bankers will guarantee me all right.”

“Then why haven’t you paid up?”

“Well, you see, those threatening letters of yours were so well done that I’ve been copying them and sending them round to a few customers of my own who won’t pay up, and I’ve collected nearly all outstanding debts.  I was only holding back because I felt sure there must be a final letter, and I wanted to get the series complete.”

Probably Meant Florida

“So the doctor told you to go to a warmer climate.  What was the nature of the trouble you consulted him about?”

“I went there to collect a bill.”