Two Methodist preachers, one white and the other colored, served rural charges in Mississippi which were conterminous.  The negro received a considerably larger salary than his white brother, who asked him if it was not his custom to expel his members who failed to pay.  “No, boss,” he replied, “we would not like to put the gospel on a money basis.  We gets them to subscribe, and if they don’t pay we turns them out for lying.”

CITIZENS

All the talk of hypenated citizenship has evidently had its effect upon a San Francisco youngster, American born, who recently rebelled fiercely when his Italian father whipped him for some misdemeanor.

“But, Tomaso,” said one of the family, “your father has a right to whip you when you are bad.”

Tomaso’s eyes flashed.  “I am a citizen of the United States,” he declared.  “Do you think that I am going to let any foreigner lick me?”

CITY AND COUNTRY

See Country life.

CIVICS

Mrs. Profiteer was very proud of the stunts they were doing at the smart private school to which she had sent her daughter.

“My dear,” she said to her friend, “she’s learning civics if you please.”

“What’s civics?” asked the friend.

“Civics?  My dear, don’t you know?  Why, it’s the science of interfering in public affairs.”

CIVILIZATION

  France says it is art. 
  England says it is conquest. 
  America says it is energy. 
  Italy says it is song. 
  Russia says it is work. 
  Japan says it is imitation. 
  Satan says it is his private “movie.”

Nations, like individuals, live and die; but civilization cannot die.—­Mazzini.

The truest test of civilization is not the census, nor the size of cities, nor the crops; no, but the kind of man the country turns out.—­Emerson.

CLASS DISTINCTIONS

Secretary Hoover said at a banquet:  “One difference between Europe and America is that over there they like to keep you in your place—­stationary, you know, while here we like to see a man rise.

“The European idea is pretty well illustrated by the remarks of Muggins.  Muggins on his return from the pub one Saturday night, said to his wife: 

“’I believe in manly pride and reasonable ambition, but when Sergeant Todd with his cork leg takes to carryin’ a cane besides, it looks to me as if he was tryin’ to climb out of the station what Divine Providence sunk him into.’”

CLEANLINESS

“Ma, do I have to wash my face?”

“Certainly!”

“Aw, why can’t I just powder it like you do yours?”