CARELESSNESS

Care may kill people, but don’t care kills more.

The editor in charge of the Personal Inquiry column opened his seventieth letter with a groan.

“I have lost three husbands,” a lady reader had written, confidentially, “and now have the offer of a fourth.  Shall I accept him?”

The editor dipped his pen in the ink.  This was the last straw.

“If you’ve lost three husbands,” he wrote, “I should say you are much too careless to be trusted with a fourth.”

CATALOGING

One of the best examples of the humors of cataloging comes in Sonnenschein’s “Best Books,” volume one, page 121, where Prof.  Henry Preserved Smith’s well-known Old Testament History appears thus: 

Smith, Prf.  Hy. “Preserved O.T.  History.”

CAUSE AND EFFECT

It was in one of the social settlements conducted by persons of a philanthropic turn of mind.  The young kindergarten teacher, having finished the morning’s talk on hygiene and sanitation, wished to make a practical application of the lesson.  Turning to one little youngster whose face, hands and whole appearance bespoke the crying need of soap and water, she asked: 

“Izzy, when the house gets all mussed up and dirty, what does mother do?”

“We move.”

LITTLE BOY—­“A penn’orth each of liniment and liquid cement, please.”

CHEMIST—­“Are they both for the same person, or shall I wrap them up separately?”

LITTLE BOY—­“Well, I dunno.  Muvver’s broke ’er teapot, so she wants the cement, but farver wants the liniment.  ’E’s what muvver broke ’er teapot on.”

An old farmer and his wife drove to market one very wet day when large pools of water had formed in the roadway between the farm and the town.  On the return journey he met an old friend.

“And how are you today?” was the friendly greeting.

“Very well, thank you,” answered the farmer.

“How is the missus?” continued the friend.

“Fine,” answered the farmer.  “She’s behind there”—­jerking his thumb toward the back of the wagon.

“She’s not there!” exclaimed the astonished friend.

The old farmer turned and looked over his shoulder.  Then he coolly replied: 

“Humph!  That accounts for the splash.”

CAUTION

A small boy, who was sitting next to a very haughty woman in crowded car, kept sniffling in a most annoying way, until the woman could stand it no longer.

“Boy, have you got a handkerchief?” she demanded.

The small boy looked at her for a few seconds, and then in a dignified tone, came the answer.

“Yes, I ’ave, but I don’t lend it to strangers.”

CHARACTER