More Toasts eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 609 pages of information about More Toasts.

More Toasts eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 609 pages of information about More Toasts.

“There is one respect in which a live business man isn’t like a tree.”

“What is that?”

“If he remains rooted to the spot, he can’t branch out.”

During a campaign preceding the election of a Missouri Congressman it was suggested that, since he posed as a good business man, he might be willing to tell just what a good business man is.

“That’s easy,” he explained.  “A good business man is one who can buy goods from a Scotchman and sell them to a Jew—­at a profit!”

EDITH—­“Dick, dear, your office is in State street, isn’t it?”

DICKEY—­“Yes; why?”

EDITH—­“That’s what I told papa.  He made such a funny mistake about you yesterday.  He said he’d been looking you up in Bradstreet.”

FIRST MERCHANT (as reported in the New York “Trade Record")—­“How’s business?”

SECOND MERCHANT—­“Picking up a little.  One of our men got a $5,000 order yesterday.”

“Go away.  I don’t believe that.”

“Honest he did—­I’ll show you the cancellation.”

BUSINESS ENTERPRISE

The story of the rival boot-makers, which appeared recently, is matched by a correspondent of an English paper with another story, equally old but equally worth repeating.  It concerns two rival sausage-makers.  Again, they lived on opposite sides of a certain street, and, one day, one of them placed over his shop the legend: 

“We sell sausages to the gentry and nobility of the country.”

The next day, over the way, appeared the sign: 

“We sell sausages to the gentry and nobility of the whole country.”

Not to be outdone, the rival put up what he evidently regarded as a final statement, namely: 

“We sell sausages to the King.”

Next day there appeared over the door of the first sausage-maker the simple expression of loyalty: 

“God save the King.”

“Biddy,” remarked the newly wed Irishman, “go down and feed the pigs.”

“Faith and I will not,” replied the bride.

“Don’t be after contradicting me, Biddy,” retorted the husband.  “Haven’t I just endowed you with all my worldly goods, and if you can not feed your own property, then it’s ashamed of you I am.”

This was a new point of view, so off Biddy went.

Presently she returned.

“Have you fed the pigs, Biddy?” demanded her husband, sternly.

“Faith, and I have not,” she answered.  “I have done a great deal better.  As they were my property I have sold them, and shall not be bothered with them again.”

A business man advertised for an office boy.  The next morning there were some fifty boys in line.  He was about to begin examining the applicants when his stenographer handed him a card on which was scribbled: 

“Don’t do anything until you see me.  I’m the last kid in line, but I’m telling you I’m there with the goods.”

Copyrights
Project Gutenberg
More Toasts from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.