Remember what Roger Mifflin says:  “When you sell a man a book, you don’t sell him just three ounces of paper and ink and glue—­you sell him a whole new life.  Love and friendship and humour, and ships at sea by night—­there’s all heaven and earth in a book.”

PENFIELD—­“What do you know about Bestseller’s new book?”

CRABSHAW—­“Nothing at all.  I’ve merely read all the reviews of it.”—­Life.

MANAGER—­“Can’t you find some way to make yourself busy around here?”

BOOKISH NEW SALESMAN—­“Milton, in his ‘Sonnet on Blindness,’ says:  ‘They also serve who only stand and wait.’”

MANAGER—­“Yes, but you must keep in mind that Milton’s most famous book was about a fellow that lost his job and went to hades.”

“What do you think of my library?”

“I was just looking it over and I notice that you were visited by the same book agents who landed me.”

  “There’s a fellow outside with a volume of poems
  (The title, I think is ’The Beautiful Gnomes’),
  He says it’s the best of poetical tomes.” 
    “I’ll see him next Christmas,” the publisher said.

  “There’s a gentleman waiting to tell you about
  A novel of his, which, without any doubt
  (So he says), will make critics with happiness shout.” 
    “Oh, tell him I’m ill or rheumatic—­or dead.”

  “There’s also a lady who’s just come away
  From Russia; she says that the Reds are at bay,
  And she’s willing to write it at so much a day.” 
    “I’ve just left for Portugal, China and Mars.”

  “And then there’s a bookseller—­looks like a gink—­
  From somewhere out West; Indiana, I think. 
  I’ll tell him you’re out buying authors a drink.” 
    “A bookseller?  In with him!  Boy, the cigars!”

  —­Edward Anthony.

CANVASSER—­“May I have a few minutes of your time?”

PROSPECT—­“Yes, if you will be brief.  What can I do for you; I’m a man of few words.”

CANVASSER—­“Just the man I’m looking for, my specialty is dictionaries.”

BOOMERANGS

See Repartee; Retaliation.

BOOSTING

    Boost your city, boost your friend,
    Boost the lodge that you attend. 
    Boost the street on which you’re dwelling,
    Boost the goods that you are selling. 
    Boost the people ’round about you,
    They can’t get along without you,
    But success will quicker find them,
    If they know that you’re behind them. 
    Boost for every forward movement,
    Boost for every new improvement,
    Boost the man for whom you labor,
    Boost the stranger and the neighbor. 
    Cease to be a chronic knocker,
    Cease to be a progress blocker. 
    If you’d make your city better
    Boost it to the final letter.