FIRST NAVVY—­“Ye know, it’s hard lines on Joe, ‘im bein’ so short-sighted.”

SECOND NAVVY—­“Why?  Yer don’t need good eyesight for our job!”

FIRST NAVVY—­“No, but ‘e can’t see when the foreman ain’t lookin’, so he has to keep on workin’ all the time.”

A youth was being scored by his father for his flighty notions, his habit of shirking and general unreliability.  “Hard work never killed anybody,” the old man added.

“That’s just the trouble, dad,” returned the youngster.  “I want to engage in something that has a spice of danger in it.”

“Why don’t you get out and hustle?  Hard work never killed anybody,” remarked the philosophical gentleman to whom Rastus applied for a little charity.

“You’re mistaken dar, boss,” replied Rastus; “I’se lost fouh wives dat way.”

  For whether he’s wielding a scepter or swab,
  I have faith in the man who’s in love with his job.

  —­Shorey.

WORRY

“Didn’t you use to belong to a Don’t Worry Club years ago?”

“Yes,” replied the patient yet firm woman.  “I had to resign.  Nobody worried about who was going to fix up the sandwiches and salad and freeze the ice cream, but me.  So I decided I was just a born worrier and was out of my class.”

YOUTH

Arthur T. Hadley, president of Yale, said of youth at a tea in New Haven: 

“I find youth modest, almost over-modest.  I don’t agree with the accepted idea of youth that is epitomized in the anecdote.

“According to this anecdote, an old man said to a youth: 

“’My boy, when I was your age I thought, like you, that I knew it all, but now I have reached the conclusion that I know nothing.’

“The youth, lighting a cigaret, answered carelessly: 

“‘Hm!  I reached that conclusion about you years ago.’”

ZONES

While inspecting examination papers recently, a teacher found various humorous answers to questions.  A class of boys, averaging twelve years of age, had been examined in geography.  The previous day had been devoted to grammar.  Among the geographical questions was the following: 

“Name the zones.”

One promising youth, who had mixed the two subjects, wrote:  “There are two zones, masculine and feminine.  The masculine is either temperate or intemperate; the feminine is either torrid or frigid!”

INDEX

ABSENT-MINDEDNESS
ACCIDENTS
ACCURACY
ACTORS AND ACTRESSES
ADVERTISING
ADVICE
AFTER DINNER SPEECHES
AGE
AGRICULTURE
ALARM CLOCKS
ALIBI
ALIMONY
ALPHABET
ALTERNATIVES
AMBITION
AMERICANS
AMUSEMENTS
ANCESTRY
ANIMALS
ANTICIPATION
ANTIQUES