“Didn’t that fetch him?” asked the other.

“Naw.  He tol’ me he was a-doin’ the same thing, and had to pay the doctor for tellin’ him to do it.”

DEAF-AND-DUMB BEGGAR—­“Do you think it looks like rain, Bill?”

BLIND BEGGAR—­“I dasn’t look up to see—­here comes one o’ my best customers!”—­Puck.

He who begs timidly courts a refusal.—­Seneca.

The matron passed a handout to the disreputable hobo, remarking curtly, “If you don’t mind, eat it outside.”

“Bless yer, I’m used to it,” he answered.  “When I was at home and in clover, as it were, it was me daily custom, when donnin’ me dress suit, to announce to me valet, ’Parkins, don’t await dinner fer me tonight.  I’m dinin’ out.’”

BEQUESTS

“There’s a story connected with this diamond,” said Heinie, pointing to a big, handsome stone which sparkled in his shirt front.  “A friend of mine by the name of Meyer lay sick in bed.  I being his best friend, he sent for me and said: 

“’Heinie, I’m a very sick man.  I ain’t got long to live.  I’m worth a lot of money, and I’m going to leave it all to you and my other friends.  But I want you to do me one favor.  Take this money and when I’m dead and laid away buy me a nice stone.’

“Those were Meyer’s last words, and the day of the funeral I bought this stone.  But how can I give it to him when he’s dead?”

BETTING

“Charley, dear,” said young Mrs. Torkins, “I am glad to see you taking as much interest in politics as you formerly took in racing.”

“It is the duty of every man and woman to take an interest in politics.”

“Do you wish me to vote for the same candidate that you do?”

“Why shouldn’t you?”

“I thought it might be a good idea for me to vote for the other one.  It would be a satisfaction to feel that one or the other of us has at last succeeded in picking a winner.”

A Scottish gentleman on a trip to New Orleans went to see his first horse-race.  He was feeling very reckless, and decided to risk one dollar, choosing a forty-to-one shot, as that looked like the largest percentage of gain.  By a miracle his horse won, and upon handing his ticket to the bookmaker, he received forty dollars.

“Do I get all this for my dollar?” he asked.  Upon being assured that he did, he exclaimed.  “Hoots! how long has this been going on?”

Little Pat and big Mike had had a dispute, when Mike in contempt said:  “Ye little runt, Oi bet I could carry yez up to the fifth story in me hod.”

Pat immediately took up the bet, saying:  “I’d loike to see ye thry thot same.  I’ll bet yez fifty cints on it.”

Before he knew it Mike had him in his hod and was going up the ladder.  When he got to the fourth story his foot slipped and he almost fell.  He regained his footing, however, and reached the fifth story in triumph.