“Dangerous nothing,” replied the fan.

Just then a runner was put out at second base.

“What has happened now?” asked the Englishman.

“Chick Smith has died at second,” laconically replied the fan.

“Died at second?” replied the astonished Briton.  “I knew it was a dangerous game.”

They arrived at the fifth inning.

“What’s the score, Jim?” he asked a fan.

“Nothing to nothing,” was the reply.

“Oh, goody!” she exclaimed.  “We haven’t missed a thing!”

At the base ball game.

SHE—­“What’s the man running for?”

HE—­“He hit the ball.”

SHE—­“I know.  But is he required to chase it, too?”

An Englishman was once persuaded to see a game of baseball, and during the play, when he happened to look away for a moment, a foul tip caught him on the ear and knocked him senseless.  On coming to himself, he asked faintly, “What was it?”

“A foul—­only a foul!”

“Good heavens!” he exclaimed.  “A fowl?  I thought it was a mule.”

BATHS AND BATHING

“S-s-s-s-sus-say, ma,” stammered Bobby, through the suds, as his mother scrubbed and scrubbed him, “I guess you want to get rid o’ me, don’t you?”

“Why, no, Bobby dear,” replied his mother.  “Whatever put such an idea into your mind?”

“Oh, nuthin’,” said Bobby, “only it seems to me you’re tryin’ to rub me out.”

PA—­“At last I’ve found a way to make that young scamp of ours stop winking his eyes.”

MA—­“Really?”

PA—­“Yes; I’ll show him the article in this science magazine where it says that every time we wink we give the eye a bath.”

BEAUTY, PERSONAL

“Is she very pretty?”

“Pretty?  Say! when she gets on a street-car the advertising is a total loss.”

“I don’t like these photos at all,” he said, “I look like an ape.”

The photographer favored him with a glance of lofty disdain.

“You should have thought of that before you had them taken,” was his reply as he turned back to work.

“We’re giving Baxby a farewell dinner and I’m to respond to the toast, ‘None but the brave deserves the fair.’”

“Sorry for you, old top.  You’ll have to prove that Baxby is an utter coward, or that he isn’t getting what is his due.”

The Chinese are not given to flattery.  A gentleman called at a Chinese laundry for his clothes.  On receiving the package he noticed some Chinese characters marked upon it.  He asked, pointing to the lettering: 

“That’s my name, I suppose?”

“No; ’scliption,” was the Chinaman’s bland reply. “‘Lil ol’ man, closs-eyed, no teeth.’”—­Everybody’s.

BEGGING

“Some men have no hearts,” said the tramp.  “I’ve been a-tellin’ that feller I am so dead broke that I have to sleep outdoors.”