STOCK EXCHANGE

AUNT JANE (at the Stock Exchange)—­“With seats selling at $60,000, no wonder they are all standing up.”

FOOTLIGHT—­“I see another seat at the Stock Exchange has been sold for $55,000.”

Miss SUE BEETTE—­“Wouldn’t it be awful if the man who paid for it found it was right behind a post!”

STRATEGY

WILLIE WILLIS—­“Pa, what’s strategy?”

PAPA WILLIS—­“Usually darn poor judgment that happens to work out all right.”

A young lady took down the receiver and discovered that the telephone was in use.  “I just put on a pan of beans for dinner,” she heard one woman complacently informing another.

She hung up the receiver, and waited.  Three times she waited, and then, exasperated, she broke into the conversation.

“Madam, I smell your beans burning,” she announced crisply.  A horrified scream greeted the remark, and the young lady was able to put in her call.

A lady entered a railroad-car and took a seat in front of a newly married couple.  She was hardly seated before they began making remarks about her.

Her last year’s bonnet and coat were fully criticised with more or less giggling on the bride’s part, and there is no telling what might have come next if the lady had not put a sudden stop to the conversation by a bit of strategy.

She turned her head, noticed that the bride was considerably older than the groom, and, in the smoothest of tones, said: 

“Madam, will you please ask your son to close the window?”

The “son” closed his mouth, and the bride no longer giggled.

“Fore!” shouted the golfer, ready to play.

But the woman on the course paid no attention.

“Fore!” he repeated, with not a bit more effect than the first time.

“Try her with ‘Three ninety-eight,’” suggested his partner.  “She may be one of those bargain-counter fiends.”

Hans and Fritz, two small boys, had gone to the rink to skate.  Hans’s overcoat hampered him and he wanted to get rid of it.  The German coat-room person does not check your coat unless you pay your fee.  The fee was only a penny, but Hans did not have the penny.  He was at a loss.

“Huh! it’s dead easy,” spoke up Fritz.  “Give me your overcoat.  I’ll take it to the man at the checking place and say I found it.  He’ll put it away.  When you are ready to go home you go to him and ask if anybody has turned a lost overcoat in to him.  Then, of course, you’ll get yours.”

STREET-CARS

A very pretty but extremely slender girl entered a street car and managed to seat herself in a narrow space between two men.  Presently a portly colored mammy entered the car, and the pretty miss, thinking to humiliate the men for lack of gallantry, arose.